i am a person who has recently come out as atheist to my religious family, when i say religious i mean that they follow christianity and/or mormanism (i never truely understood which one it was)

my faith died after years of verbal bullying (which is now resolved) and has-although not many around me may realise- left me a completely changed person.

i will not go into many of the other issues that i was going through that made the uncalled for bullying 'the straw that broke the camels back' and forced me to re-evaluate and change my life before i completely flew off the hande (something i knew i was slowly drfting towards after reading back into older diary entries)

either way, i came out to my family and around the fourth time i did so -yes fourth!- my mother (and the only parent i have ever known) let me decide whether i could go to church or not (but being a persistant woman she still asked)

i immediately felt better knowing that i was fianlly doing something for myself asfter spending years going along with what other people wanted, that led them to beleive i was somehow perfect (don't ask me how that happened), even though i lost a majority of my close religious friends (whom i valued above all else but now i'm not too sure thta they are much different from all the other people i can call 'friends'...or at least i hoped so)

but a few weeks ago i was having casual conversation with my mother on a sunday and she said the words

"you are lost but soon you will come home..."

and that leads me to beleive that she is in denial about my conversion.

i can undertand why my mother beleives in god considering where my family migrated from and how hard the entire process was but this once comment was said i once again felt that feeling again

that feeling that i needed to do something,

how can i get my mother to fully accept my conversion?

she is a very superstitious and headstong person who i do not want to infuriate or sadden because (as stated earlier) she is the only parent i have ever known.

Is there a way to get someone to accept the fact you just can't bring yourself to beleive in a god anymore?

my other questions are:

is there a time where you just stop beleiving completely?

i'm not sure i phrased that question right (forgive me i am only 14) but what i am trying to say is, is there a time where you don't randomly get a sense tehre might be something?

not that there is something but that there might be something.

my childhood education (in a catholic primary school)left me quite traumatized fter your teacher casually explained all about hell and my classmates would talk about it filling my impressionable mind with very disturbing notions and i just want to know

will i be completely free of this?

of religion

of this fear i get when i see other people so intent on getting to an afterlife they so truely want to beleive is real that they try to shove their beleifs donw other peoples throats

does athism get better as you go along?

because i am still fairly new to it and so far all it has made me feel is sad.

not because i realise i will not be going anywhere after i die (i feel that's acctually a pretty good thing), but because now i see millions of people who would die for a person i don't even beleive deserves praise after reading and studying their holy book as i was trying to make the decision on whether to convert or not

and it's just. sad.

sorry, this was long and pretty sad itself (also i'm not sure if i'm using this fourm correctly...)

but thank you for your help in advance.