My entire 18 years of life I've never felt the "divine spirit" or the voice that everyone seems to go on about at congregations or any other things of the sort that uplifts people... I always found myself rather envious of their passion for this hidden soul-mate. So out of pure jealousy I "accepted" Jesus as my "saviour" and was baptised out of hopes to be united with this long lost love, but it still wasn't there! I attended all the church events I could out of hope of connecting with this hidden soul-mate for 18 years, and yet its still not there. So in high school I tried soo hard, desperately even, to believe in religion but it doesn't seem like its my cup of tea. What does this mean? I'm beyond terrified to speak to my parents about this "issue" because I don't want them to believe they've failed at raising me.