1. Michele Bachmann: ‘Obama is part of Al Qaeda and end times are near.’
To the extent that she is capable of rational decision-making, Minn. Rep. Michele Bachmann decided this week might be a fitting time to remind the public that she is batshit crazy. During a radio interview, she spun out her theory that, A) President Obama is arming terrorists, generally, and Al Qaeda, specifically. And B) This is cause for rejoicing because it is a sign that the end times are near.
In the case of A., she was referring to Obama’s decision to provide small arms and anti-chemical weapons gear to certain Syrian rebels, or as Bachmann put it, “the United States is willingly, knowingly, intentionally sending arms to terrorists.”
Then the holy spirit must have filled her, or something, and she got all mystical. She said: “As I look at the End Times scripture, this says to me that the leaf is on the fig tree and we are to understand the signs of the times . . . we are to understand where we are in God’s end times history.”
Panic not, Christians, she continued. “Rather than seeing this as a negative, we need to rejoice, Maranatha Come Lord Jesus, His day is at hand. When we see up is down and right is called wrong, when this is happening, we were told this; these days would be as the days of Noah.”
Better get those arks ready.
2. Some of Antonin Scalia’s best friends are gay—and yeah, the devil exists.
As Bill Mahrer pointed out, people are certainly welcome to hold whatever crazy religious beliefs they choose. The trouble is when those people, like Bachmann, and say, a Supreme Court justice, are making decisions that impact the rest of us. In a different time, the high court’s glibbest right winger might have felt the need to be more circumspect about his religious beliefs, what with separation of church and state, and all. But Antonin Scalia let it all hang out in a recent interview with New York magazine’s Jennifer Senior, telling her, “I even believe in the devil.”
Not one to be plagued with pesky self-doubt, Scalia went even further on the topic of Lucifer: “He’s a real person. Hey, c’mon, that’s standard Catholic doctrine! Every Catholic believes that.” For those not following the recent exploits of Satan, he has evolved since biblical times, no longer making pigs run off cliffs, for instance. “What he’s doing now is getting people not to believe in him or in God.” Scalia explained. “He’s much more successful that way.”
The justice assured Senior that he, not she, was in step with the mainstream of America on this, and also in-line with Christ the lord our savior. “I mean, Jesus Christ believed in the Devil! It’s in the Gospels! You travel in circles that are so, so removed from mainstream America that you are appalled that anybody would believe in the Devil! Most of mankind has believed in the Devil, for all of history. Many more intelligent people than you or me have believed in the Devil.”
Also, and this is very reassuring, Scalia is pretty sure he knows some people who are gay, although he reckons that they are not sharing this fact with him, especially seeing as how he is the most outspokenly homophobic member of the high court, who made his displeasure known about the court’s landmark decisions in support of legalizing same-sex marriage last spring.