In 1999, after living happily together for 10 years, Sharon thought we should get married. I responded with a cliché, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” I followed with counter-religious arguments like marriage is a religious tradition and we’re atheists, or the purpose of marriage is to have children and we’re too old. I quipped that religious conservatives were always ranting about the evils of “living in sin,” so I needed to promote the joys of sin. I also wanted to boycott heterosexual marriage until gays had the right to marry.
Sharon and I married on January 1, 2000 because she wanted us to get married more than I didn’t, and I loved her and wished to please her. We had a nice secular ceremony at midnight in our home, with friends sharing our delicious Ben & Jerry ice cream wedding cake. My first-year anniversary present to Sharon was to tell her, “You know, being married isn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”
So why did same-sex marriage change me from marriage detractor to marriage supporter? I had naively assumed that gays wanted the right to marry for the same reason I became a South Carolina gubernatorial candidate without a prayer in 1990. I wanted to challenge our discriminatory state constitution that prohibited atheists from holding public office, and I had no wild expectations of actually being elected and serving. But I soon learned that same-sex couples weren’t simply advocating for marriage equality. Most couples (myself excluded) view marriage as a stronger and more loving commitment than just cohabiting. And a bonus for gays is becoming part of a new mainstream culture that has a broader definition of traditional marriage.