51. Does God Exist? The Nightline Face-Off (more info)

Comment #41690 by Satanburiedfossils on May 16, 2007 at 3:18 pm

Next time: To prove that dinosaurs coexisted with man, Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort plan to show selected episodes of The Flintstones.

52. Kirk Cameron Proves That God Exists

Comment #40160 by Satanburiedfossils on May 13, 2007 at 12:41 pm

Little known fact: Thomas Aquinas wrote the first season of Growing Pains, but he was quickly dropped by the producers after critics deemed the episodes to be too preachy and cerebral. Nonetheless, the episode where Carol Seaver argues her way out a traffic ticket by convincing the police officer that the universe is merely a figment of God's imagination earned Aquinas an Emmy nomination. Other than penning a few episodes of Charles in Charge, Thomas Aquinas has apparently left the scene as a script-writer for American sitcoms.

(Oops. I thought this was the Monty Python web site.)

53. Supporters of abortion have no future in Church, Pope tells faithful

Comment #39223 by Satanburiedfossils on May 10, 2007 at 7:43 am

Small-print writing on the side of the "pope-mobile":

The Vatican's guarantee to you:

Our pontiffs come in a freshness-sealed container.

For best results, please use before the printed date.

(Well, at least the worst that RichardDawkins.net can do is relegate me to the troll thread. God, however, being notorious for having no sense of humor, is liable to have a worse fate in store. Say, is it getting a little warm in here?)

54. Massive explosion is brightest-ever supernova

Comment #38569 by Satanburiedfossils on May 8, 2007 at 4:17 pm

GOP presidential candidates chimed in to say that in addition to not believing that life evolves they do not believe that stars explode either.

-------------------------------------------

Genesis 1:16-17 [God] made the stars also. And God set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth

Someone needs to inform God that one of his bulbs just blew.

55. A Split Emerges as Conservatives Discuss Darwin

Comment #38035 by Satanburiedfossils on May 6, 2007 at 7:01 pm

There's these Christian fundamentalists, the ones who are trying to get creationism taught in school as a science. I think it would be great because it would definitely be the shortest class of the day. "Welcome to creationist science. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. On the seventh day he rested. See ya at the final!"
--Bill Hicks (comedian)
http://www.edwardtbabinski.us/babinski/notsointelligent.html

56. Atheists go on the political offensive in God-fearing US

Comment #38027 by Satanburiedfossils on May 6, 2007 at 6:30 pm

The ungodly atheists' evil agenda includes giving Americans even more freedom and purging religion's artificial crimes from the books.

Monsters!

(* Sarcasm alert! * Sarcasm alert! * Sarcasm alert! *)

Take a look at this:

"Utah Republican Blames 'The Devil' For Immigration"
http://kutv.com/local/local_story_116133225.html

And some insightful commentary here:

http://www.randi.org/jr/2007-05/050307.html#i1

Chairman Don Larsen's resolution says:

<< In order for Satan to establish his "New World Order" and destroy the freedom of all people as predicted in the Scriptures, he must first destroy the U.S…. The mostly quiet and unspectacular invasion of illegal immigrants does not focus the attention of the nations the way open warfare does, but is all the more insidious for its stealth and innocuousness. >>

Ah, how devious the arch-fiend Satan is. You see, while it would be all too easy for Satan to simply sneak into one of our nuclear silos and launch a missile toward Russia -- which would bring about Armageddon in one fell swoop -- Satan just doesn't operate that way. Much better to concoct a plot that is so unnecessarily convoluted that only rocket-scientists like Larsen can spot it.

(Larsen apparently forget to cite the chapter and verse of the good book that mentions "United States of America", "New World Order", and "illegal immigrant demonic plot". BTW I love Larsen's "Far Side" cartoons -- oh wait, that was Gary Larson.)

It is worth pointing out, however, that Larsen's assertion has been confirmed by a leprechaun and two of Santa's reindeer. The Tooth Fairy refuses to weigh in and has vowed to take the fifth if called before a Senate inquiry. Satan could not be reached for comment since Hell has very poor phone service as per decree.

(Are high gasoline prices a Satanic plot to keep God-fearing Xtians from making the weekly trip to church? Perhaps you should ask the leprechaun.)

57. The Damned

Comment #36922 by Satanburiedfossils on May 2, 2007 at 8:02 pm

On another web site (I don't recall the link), the author had an interesting take on passages like this one from the bible (emphasis added):

Matthew 13:49-50 So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just, And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Suppose the unfortunate has no teeth. Does this mean that dentures will be provided? Or will the victim receive a brand new set of teeth upon entering Hell, the better to satisfy the Almighty's prescribed amount of "gnashing"?

58. Vote for the Time 100 - Are They Worthy?

Comment #34674 by Satanburiedfossils on April 24, 2007 at 9:35 pm

The article forgot one thing:

HOBBIES: Tying hapless damsels to railroad tracks while twirling his handlebar mustache and tittering menacingly.

(For the humor-deficient, I'm being sarcastic: you see, religionists, being unable to dispute Dawkins' sound arguments against religious belief, turn to vilifying him instead. Suffice it to say, their only recourse is through the print media and the public airwaves, as nowadays using thumbscrews on people who disagree with you is considered very unsporting.)

59. Vote for the Time 100 - Are They Worthy?

Comment #34670 by Satanburiedfossils on April 24, 2007 at 9:09 pm

I'm puzzled as to why Jesus isn't on that list. Xtians have been telling us virtually every millisecond for the past 2,000 years that he's "returning soon". Perhaps if Jesus could manage to show up before the deadline, he might even make the cover! (Though I'm afraid he may fall behind Keifer Sutherland; he's performed more miracles in one day than Jesus ever did in his entire lifetime.)

60. One Hell of a Religious Read

Comment #34329 by Satanburiedfossils on April 23, 2007 at 8:12 pm

"But [Christopher "Hellbound" Hitchens] is just getting warmed up."

The irony of that statement is probably more appreciated by his religious detractors.

Speaking of Hell...

It is strange to me that people can consign others to hell without a scruple. One only has to remember a toothache, not to wish it eternally on anyone.
-- Lucy Daugalis (daugalis@arcom.com.au)

God says do what you wish, but make the wrong choice and you will be tortured for eternity in hell. That's not free will. It's like a man telling his girlfriend, do what you wish, but if you choose to leave me, I will track you down and blow your brains out. When a man says this we call him a psychopath. When god says the same we call him "loving" and build churches in his honor.
-- William C. Easttom II

http://www.edwardtbabinski.us/religion/hell.html

Excerpt from "Islamic Hell: Absurdity of Science and Logic" by Denis Giron:

The idea of Hell is both illogical and scientifically absurd. How can eternal fire be any kind of divine punishment that one should fear? You cannot be burned for eternity. Your body only offers a given and finite amount of fuel for fire. Eventually there will be nothing left to burn.

Trying to get around such arguments, the believer in Hell will claim Hellfire consists of "smokeless fire" and that it "burns, but does not consume". If the fire does not consume one's flesh, there is no pain! Pain is caused by neural receptors in the brain alerting you to cells being destroyed. If the fire does not consume one's flesh, no cells are destroyed, and thus there is no pain!

Perhaps some supporters of the Hellfire theory will offer the idea that your "soul" is sent to Hell and not your body. If one is without their body, they are without cells, without neural receptors, and therefore without pain. These are scientific facts about pain that primitive cultures were not aware of. Those who believe Hell exists can only describe eternal damnation as a "phenomenon which science cannot explain".

While such a description makes belief in Hell something of the realm of fantasy, there are still stern arguments against such a concept. Whether there is pain or not, eternal flames is not a true punishment to be feared. If it is eternal, there is ample time to grow accustomed to one's environment. Surely eternity is enough time to develop a higher tolerance of pain. There have been examples of human beings who reached a mental state where they do not feel pain. An example would be Buddhist monks in Viet Nam who could set themselves on fire, and show no reaction while burning to death. Such people would have nothing to fear from Hell.

http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/denis_giron/islamhell.html

61. Street Evangelist Saves 300 Souls From Enjoying Park

Comment #33777 by Satanburiedfossils on April 21, 2007 at 6:08 pm

"Street Evangelist Saves 300 Souls From Enjoying Park"

With so many religious loonies running around, it's hard to believe that someone actually took the trouble to make up that story.

--------------------------------------------------

On a more serious note, you might want to read the following excerpt from "What Would You Substitute for the Bible as a Moral Guide?", by the late great Robert G. Ingersoll:

What then is, or can be called, a moral guide? The shortest possible answer is one word: Intelligence.

We want the experience of mankind, the true history of the race. We want the history of intellectual development, of the growth of the ethical, of the idea of justice, of conscience, of charity, of self-denial. We want to know the paths and roads that have been traveled by the human mind.

These facts in general, these histories in outline, the results reached, the conclusions formed, the principles evolved, taken together, would form the best conceivable moral guide.

We cannot depend on what are called "inspired books," or the religions of the world. These religions are based on the supernatural, and according to them we are under obligation to worship and obey some supernatural being, or beings. All these religions are inconsistent with intellectual liberty. They are the enemies of thought, of investigation, of mental honesty. They destroy the manliness of man. They promise eternal rewards for belief, for credulity, for what they call faith.

These religions teach the slave virtues. They make inanimate things holy, and falsehoods sacred. They create artificial crimes. To eat meat on Friday, to enjoy yourself on Sunday, to eat on fast-days, to be happy in Lent, to dispute a priest, to ask for evidence, to deny a creed, to express your sincere thought, all these acts are sins, crimes against some god, To give your honest opinion about Jehovah, Mohammed or Christ, is far worse than to maliciously slander your neighbor. To question or doubt miracles is far worse than to deny known facts. Only the obedient, the credulous, the cringers, the kneelers, the meek, the unquestioning, the true believers, are regarded as moral, as virtuous. It is not enough to be honest, generous and useful; not enough to be governed by evidence, by facts. In addition to this, you must believe. These things are the foes of morality. They subvert all natural conceptions of virtue.

http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/robert_ingersoll/bible_substitute.html

It is often said that truth is stranger than fiction. Here's a little something else from Ingersoll -- you might think of this as real-life satire:

I have got at home copies of some letters that passed between gentlemen high in the church several hundred years ago and the question was this: "Ought we to cut out the tongues of blasphemers before we burn them?" And they finally decided that they ought to do so, and I will tell you the reason they gave. They said if they were not cut out that while they were being burned, they might by their heresies scandalize the gentlemen who would bring the wood
http://www.edwardtbabinski.us/lectures/intellectual_development.html

Finally, take a look at this (you can't make this stuff up):

http://www.randi.org/jr/2006-12/122106wise.html#i1

62. Dinesh D'Souza says I don't exist: an atheist at Virginia Tech

Comment #33344 by Satanburiedfossils on April 19, 2007 at 11:10 pm

I certainly do not want to make light of the terrible incident at VA Tech, but I feel compelled to consider a few points:

* Why is it that during a crisis, Xtians conveniently ignore the suspicious absence of the Deity? Unless, of course, there happens to be a positive outcome, in which case the same Xtians claim to be able to clearly discern the Deity's fingerprints!

* The Deity is never held to account for being negligent, nor is it considered deserving of rebuke when it is bad. Indeed, the Deity actually earns more favor when it is bad than when it is good.

* What exactly is the purpose of prayer in the wake of tragedies like this? That is, what do Xtians expect to achieve by praying? Is this merely a reflexive action? Does the Deity crave worship to the extent that Xtians must supplicate themselves at every opportunity, even in the aftermath of the most devastating events? Yet the Deity appears to be so capricious that even the most earnest prayers seem to hold little sway over it.

Following through on the previous point, the Deity's seemingly insatiable appetite for glorification is aptly addressed in Dave E. Matson essay "Does God Need Praise and Glory?" (excerpts follow):

The human ego ... knows no bounds. Therefore, it imagines that mankind was not only created by an all-powerful being, but that the entire universe was created for man's benefit! (The Bible is very man-orientated.) If that isn't bad enough, the human ego imagines that such a god absolutely craves human praise and attention. Thus, like a vain, oriental potentate, God takes great pains to cloak himself in GLORY. He wants to impress his created subjects.

...The god of the Bible sucks up praise like a vacuum cleaner sucking up dirt! As if he couldn't squeeze enough praise from his multitudes on earth, God has special beings installed around his very throne whose sole role is to sing his endless praise! Apparently God's ego is even bigger than man's and needs a steady stream of super-heated air to prop it up.

...Have you ever noticed how easily fountains of praise to the Lord tumble and flow in a great flood from Christian lips? It seems as if there was a contest to see who could praise God the most! Make God happy by singing his praises day and night!

...The working brain recognizes that the ego-happy god of the Bible, the GLORY seeker of the Old Testament and the praise-absorbing sponge of the Old and New Testaments, is a manmade creation. Primitive minds have extended their own faulty concepts of human greatness and vanity to come up with their idea of God, the super, Mideastern potentate. Such work cannot be "God's own words."

http://www.edwardtbabinski.us/common_sense/praising_god.html

63. The Empty Wager

Comment #32962 by Satanburiedfossils on April 18, 2007 at 9:02 pm

With all due respect to H. P. Lovecraft, you might want to consider this wager:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu#Cthulhu.27s_Wager

Now where are the wagers for the Flying Spaghetti Monster and the Pink Unicorn?

64. Crucifixion 'makes God into a psychopath'

Comment #30209 by Satanburiedfossils on April 7, 2007 at 8:13 am

Why did God sacrifice Himself to Himself so that He could correct a mistake He made Himself?
http://www.jhuger.com/biblethumpers

Excerpt from "The Incoherence of Original Sin and Substitutive Sacrifice" By Philip Kuchar:

Imagine a wealthy and selfless replacement debtor (RD) who offers to pay what a destitute debtor owes. The RD could conceivably offer to supply both the money and the guilt. The creditor would have no trouble accepting the money, as long as the money were legally obtained. Money, after all, is abstract: the value attached to a hundred dollar bill has nothing to do with any qualitative superiority of the bill over a mere one dollar bill. The value of money is fixed in abstraction. But would the creditor accept the RD's display of guilt on behalf of the poor debtor? The moral value of guilt, unlike the value of money, is fixed by the context in which the guilt is expressed. Imagine a hero who after saving twenty children from a burning building responds to her own heroism with a heart-aching display of guilt. Since guilt would be a misplaced emotion under these circumstances, the guilt would have no moral value. On the contrary this "guilt" would be evidence of a disturbed mind. The moral value of guilt, like any emotion, depends on the circumstances under which it's displayed.

The primary condition of the moral value of guilt is that the person who displays it must be the same person who owes it. To test this, imagine the RD producing a fine torrent of guilt, complete with tearful eyes and a shame-faced apology, all on behalf of the real debtor, the one who entered into a contract to return a sum of money, who shook hands with the creditor, taking on a personal as well as a legal responsibility. What value could the creditor place on this display of guilt, even if it appeared genuine and heartfelt, so long as it issued, as it were, from the wrong heart? The reason the RD's guilt would be morally worthless is that guilt is the recognition of one's own wrongdoing. A thousand other people could be well aware of the debtor's fault, but only the debtor's own sorrowful self-acknowledgement would be properly called "guilt." The notion of stand-in guilt is incoherent. Such guilt could at best be a simulation, at worst a fraud, a bogus, superficial display.

Likewise the value of punishment, again unlike monetary value, depends fundamentally on the identity of the punishment's recipient. A replacement convict might offer to undergo the criminal's punishment, and might succeed in producing genuine suffering. But this suffering would have no moral value, because the fundamental point of punishment is to pay back to the criminal what she is owed. This is the element of retaliation at the heart of all punishment, even of the sort that may serve other functions, such as rehabilitation, vindication of the law or the appeasement of a watchful deity. Retaliation is central to many Christian theories of the atonement. Instead of repaying sinners the harm we have caused with our disobedience, a substitute is produced who offers to accept our 'sin debt,' 'bear our guilt,' and fulfil our responsibility with his own life. Jesus' death was God's payback for our sin, and that's why the atonement took the form of a violent execution: the misery our sin causes is returned to the sin bearer. Even granting that Jesus was innocent, produced genuine suffering, and died, there is still the problem of the uselessness of his whole endeavour. What is the moral value of a replacement punishment, inflicted not on the offender but on someone who has nothing to do with the crime and who is in fact guiltless? Again, the notion of substitutive punishment is incoherent because punishment, even as defined by many Christian theories of the atonement, involves repayment, which means returning to the offender what is owed her. The "re" in "repayment" and "retaliation" refers to the aiming of punishment towards the offender, the one to whom punishment is owed. Hence the concept of substitutive retaliation is incoherent.

http://www.infidels.org/library/modern/features/2000/kuchar2.html

See also:

http://www.abarnett.demon.co.uk/atheism/crucify.html

http://www.edwardtbabinski.us/religion/cross_evangelist.html

65. Kansas State School Board Bans Pokemon Due to Evolution Content

Comment #29886 by Satanburiedfossils on April 5, 2007 at 10:42 am

Additional entries on the Kansas School Board list of banned items:

1. Globes. The scriptures clearly demonstrate that the earth is flat: Psalms 136:6 To him that stretched out the earth above the waters: for his mercy endureth for ever. Job 28:24 For he looketh to the ends of the earth, and seeth under the whole heaven; Psalms 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us. See also Deuteronomy 28:64, 33:17; 1 Samuel 2:10; Job 37:3, 38:13; Psalms 19:4, 22:27, 46:9, 48:10, 59:13, 61:2, 65:5; Isaiah 11:12, 41:9, 44:24; Jeremiah 51:16; Ezekiel 7:2; Mark 13:27; Revelations 7:1, 20:8. Residents of Kansas need only to go outside and look around to confirm this with their own eyes.

2. Household cleaning products. Mold and mildew are forms of leprosy: Leviticus 13:47-49 The garment also that the plague of leprosy is in, whether it be a woollen garment, or a linen garment; Whether it be in the warp, or woof; of linen, or of woollen; whether in a skin, or in any thing made of skin; And if the plague be greenish or reddish in the garment, or in the skin, either in the warp, or in the woof, or in any thing of skin; it is a plague of leprosy, and shall be shewed unto the priest: Leviticus 14:37-38 And he shall look on the plague, and, behold, if the plague be in the walls of the house with hollow strakes, greenish or reddish, which in sight are lower than the wall; Then the priest shall go out of the house to the door of the house, and shut up the house seven days. Consult Leviticus 14:49-54 for the proper bible-approved means for dealing with common household leprosy.

3. Christmas trees. Jeremiah 10:2-4 Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe. They deck it with silver and with gold; they fasten it with nails and with hammers, that it move not.

66. The questions science cannot answer

Comment #21642 by Satanburiedfossils on February 10, 2007 at 9:47 am

Q: Why are we here?

A: Because an omnipotent, invisible man who lives in the sky had nothing better to do than create a bunch of vastly inferior clones whom he gave free will which he warned them not to use under pain of eternal torture.

Q: Thanks for clearing that up.

67. Blashpemy Challenge Interview

Comment #20178 by Satanburiedfossils on January 31, 2007 at 8:26 pm

A public stoning is in order for these rebellious youths!

Leviticus 24:16 "And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him."

Oh wait. Those darn free thinkers passed a bunch of crazy laws that make stonings illegal. And they won't even let us burn witches anymore, either.

68. Britons unconvinced on evolution

Comment #18767 by Satanburiedfossils on January 22, 2007 at 10:21 pm

A biblical apologist's guide to Intelligent Design:

The earth started out as flat (these things are only possible on a flat earth):

Daniel 4:10-11 Thus were the visions of mine head in my bed; I saw, and behold a tree in the midst of the earth, and the height thereof was great. The tree grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the end of all the earth:

Mark 13:26 And then shall they see the Son of man coming in the clouds with great power and glory.

Matthew 4:8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;

Luke 4:5 And the devil, taking him up into an high mountain, shewed unto him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time.

More specifically, the earth was a flat disk:

Isaiah 40:22 It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in:

Or maybe the earth was more like a pie pan since God could invert it and shake out its inhabitants like crumbs:

Isaiah 24:1 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty, and maketh it waste, and turneth it upside down, and scattereth abroad the inhabitants thereof.

Job 38:13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the wicked might be shaken out of it?

Or maybe the earth was more like a round table top:

Isaiah 66:1 Thus saith the LORD, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest?

Since biblical authors could reach no clear consensus, God decided to lop off some of the earth's sides to create four corners:

Ezekiel 7:2 Also, thou son of man, thus saith the Lord GOD unto the land of Israel; An end, the end is come upon the four corners of the land.

Revelation 7:1 And after these things I saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth, holding the four winds of the earth, that the wind should not blow on the earth, nor on the sea, nor on any tree.

Squaring the earth got him nowhere, so God returned to the proverbial drawing board and saw fit to bend the earth into a sphere. What shape he decides on next is anyone's guess (what about a dodecahedron? -- that would make the earth look really cool!)

A curious structure called the "firmament" once supported the heavens (the sky also appeared blue for an entirely different reason -- there used to be a huge ocean up there):

Genesis 1:7 And God made the firmament and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.

Ezekiel 1:22 And the likeness of the firmament upon the heads of the living creature was as the colour of the terrible crystal, stretched forth over their heads above.

Daniel 12:3 And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.

Psalm 150:1 Praise ye the LORD. Praise God in his sanctuary: praise him in the firmament of his power.

God once sat on a throne atop the firmament:

Ezekiel 1:26 And above the firmament that was over their heads was the likeness of a throne, as the appearance of a sapphire stone: and upon the likeness of the throne was the likeness as the appearance of a man above upon it.

Later, God tore down the firmament (perhaps it looked really tacky over the balled up earth) -- a fact for which NASA is no doubt eternally grateful. (Interesting note: God's throne sometimes turns up at flea markets.)

The earth once had a foundation and did not move:

Psalm 18:15 Then the channels of waters were seen, and the foundations of the world were discovered at thy rebuke, O Lord, at the blast of the breath of thy nostrils.

Psalm 104:5 Who laid the foundations of the earth, that it should not be removed for ever.

Job 38:4-6 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding. Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it? Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof;

Psalm 93:1 The LORD reigneth, he is clothed with majesty; the LORD is clothed with strength, wherewith he hath girded himself: the world also is stablished, that it cannot be moved.

1 Chronicles 16:30 Fear before him, all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not moved.

Little know fact: The sun orbited the earth in biblical times:

Joshua 10:13 And the sun stood still, and the moon stayed, until the people had avenged themselves upon their enemies. Is not this written in the book of Jasher? So the sun stood still in the midst of heaven, and hasted not to go down about a whole day.

Isaiah 38:8 Behold, I will bring again the shadow of the degrees, which is gone down in the sun dial of Ahaz, ten degrees backward. So the sun returned ten degrees, by which degrees it was gone down.

God, the fickle renovator, eventually pulled the earth off its foundation and set it in orbit about the sun. He probably got the idea from Copernicus; however, it is unknown whether the Almighty first tested the changeover with focus groups.

He also made some radical alterations to the universe, such as greatly increasing the size of stars and planets, which in biblical times were just tiny little lights a few miles above the earth (Job 22:12, Isaiah 34:4, Daniel 8:10, Mark 13:25, Revelation 6:13, Revelation 12:4), and moving them into deep space. He probably did this in the daytime so that no one would notice.

As a final touch, God -- shrewd craftsman that he is -- gave the earth and the universe that antique look, most likely to increase its collector's value.

69. Atheist Outreach: Group Coaxes Unbelievers Into the Open

Comment #17978 by Satanburiedfossils on January 17, 2007 at 8:10 pm

Is humor allowed on this forum? Well, I'm about to find out...

A good, clean living Pagan died and went to Heaven. St Peter met him at the door.

"You can't come in here," Peter said.

The Pagan asked why.

"You're a Pagan... sorry. But Hell isn't so bad. Your friends are there, and they say it's cool."

The Pagan is depressed but goes anyway, because he was, well, a Pagan.

So he goes to Hell and is greeted by a beautiful green field with people picnicking and having a great time. A man in a white coat comes over to him and presents himself as Satan, and the Devil tells him of all the delights in what appears to be a 5 star resort.

"Wow!" thinks the Pagan. "Hell ain't so bad! I'm happy to be here."

Suddenly, the sky gets black and fire spews from the ground. A screaming, flaming man falls from the sky and is swallowed by a crack in the earth. After he disappears, everything returns to normal.

"What the heck was that?!" the Pagan asks Satan.

Satan replies, "That was a Christian. They wouldn't have Hell any other way."