Comments by TIKI AL

Comment #223818 by TIKI AL on August 3, 2008 at 1:12 pm

Our Bengals,(part Asian Leopard-cats) kill the lizards around the pool in a very sadistic manner but don't dine on them.

Since they appear to kill for no reason, are they religious or do they merely have an intense hatred for the green English accented Geico insurance spokesman that taunts them from inside Nemoville?

52. Embracing goodness, without God

Comment #223799 by TIKI AL on August 3, 2008 at 12:35 pm

Good job, my friendly neighbors to the North.

Now if you could only do something about those giant religious mosquitoes in BC that perform painful stigmata blood rituals on innocent tourists.

53. A cast-iron case for a secular society

Comment #223784 by TIKI AL on August 3, 2008 at 12:16 pm

This religious influence is nothing new. The catholic knights of columbus got "under god" put into the American pledge in the 50's.

Having a tax free church to sling their mumbo jumbo in is not enough for these delusional godbots.

54. Is Killing Liberals a Hate Crime?

Comment #222696 by TIKI AL on July 31, 2008 at 6:13 pm

UU sounds like a great place to sell insurance, tupperware, and sex toys to each other.

55. Vicar supports Life of Brian ban

Comment #222685 by TIKI AL on July 31, 2008 at 5:43 pm

Brian: Who cured you?
Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I'm a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood's gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! "You're cured, mate." Bloody do-gooder.

Vicar's "Groucho" delivery to startled wife in bed:
"How Jesus got in my pajamas, I'll never know."

56. Workers' Religious Freedom vs. Patients' Rights

Comment #222669 by TIKI AL on July 31, 2008 at 5:10 pm

Wouldn't refusing to sell condoms and boner pills qualify as a "hate crime"?

57. Is Killing Liberals a Hate Crime?

Comment #222643 by TIKI AL on July 31, 2008 at 4:30 pm

What's in a name? That which we call a "hate crime" by any other will leave you just as dead.

What's a dead robbery victim, chopped liver? This might be a 14th amendment issue.

4. Comment #222420 by J Mac on July 31, 2008 at 12:24 pm:

"No it is not wise. It is AMERICAN."

...hey, only 59 million Americans voted for Bush twice! (I don't think they post here)

58. Council ban on atheist websites

Comment #221140 by TIKI AL on July 29, 2008 at 11:29 am

so ....Catholicalterboyporn.com; taboo, or not taboo?

pearl: If you visit Az, you may borrow my al-U-minny-um bat. Lots of bonafide targets within walking distance from my house!

59. A third of Muslim students back killings

Comment #219958 by TIKI AL on July 27, 2008 at 8:57 pm

"Well now, we need to do something about that. One in ten is simply not enough." (46. twp)

Maybe we could start a rumor that it was Muslims that made a deadly skyline adustment to New York City.

I'm still pissed about that, but then I never forgave the Brits for burning down the White House before W was living in it, either.

60. A Holocaust Denier Hits Manhattan (And Hearts Hitchens)

Comment #219704 by TIKI AL on July 27, 2008 at 12:00 pm

white pearl and black wolf: I know 2 blackjack dealers at Casino Arizona on the reservation working under your names. Possible identity theft?

Upon closer inspection I see you speak with strait tongue, the cleavage on Miss Piggy was indeed in my head. I am seeking help for my puppet fetish, but for the record, I do NOT find Triumph the insult dog attractive in any way. Kermit ...a different story.

It ain't easy be'in mean.

61. A Holocaust Denier Hits Manhattan (And Hearts Hitchens)

Comment #219586 by TIKI AL on July 27, 2008 at 9:39 am

Anyone who displays a sufficient amount of cleavage in their blog photo to cause a person to totally forget the point they were about to make should be incarcerated for no less than one year.

62. Texas Fiction Science

Comment #218718 by TIKI AL on July 25, 2008 at 4:09 pm

Texas students are welcome to road trip to Arizona and count the layers on the Grand Canyon anytime.

63. Sydney brothels say Pope's visit will give business a leg-up

Comment #218706 by TIKI AL on July 25, 2008 at 3:50 pm

The "Resurrection 2 for 1 timed special", "Mary Magdalin reach around", and "Missionary Tranny Conversion" are always crowd pleasers at these religious events.

64. Islam subway ads cause stir in New York

Comment #216418 by TIKI AL on July 23, 2008 at 7:07 am

The Nostradamous News:

After it was determined that the religious content of the Muslim billboards alone could not account for the sickening of millions of subway riders in New York City, anthrax was discovered in the top layer of cardboard and ricin was found mixed in with the poster paste.

The "Imagine No Religion" ads were found to be free of any pollutants. Hazmat crews expect to have the site cleaned up by 2012.

65. Nine face stoning death in Iran

Comment #215100 by TIKI AL on July 21, 2008 at 9:38 am

To maintain fear and control in the Catholic church, the Pope should hold a public spitballing of naughty priests.

Bury them up to their sandals and use McDonald straws at 5 paces loaded with very small spitballs which will produce a sadistically slow humiliation.

66. Richard Dawkins slaps creationists into the primordial soup

Comment #214417 by TIKI AL on July 20, 2008 at 12:31 pm

Here in Arizona I use the Jeff Foxworthy meathod to teach the "low information voters" (aka "trailer trash") that there was and is no intelligent designer.

Example A: If yer bunny eats its own do-do, and yer cow is constantly farting ....thair just might not be an intellyjunt deezinar.

Example B: If that male pig you roasted at the Falwell memorial dinner had teats ....thair just might not be an intellyjunt deezinar.

67. Texas State Board of Education approves Bible course for high schools

Comment #213581 by TIKI AL on July 18, 2008 at 3:42 pm

Can't wait for the first 14th amendment lawsuit to render the schoolboard unemployed and bankrupt the town when it is discovered that there is no "Children's Book of Kwanzaa" study class.

68. Texas State Board of Education approves Bible course for high schools

Comment #213567 by TIKI AL on July 18, 2008 at 3:12 pm

"This is just a ticking time bomb. I need a paper bag to breathe into.." (#17,twp)

...speaking of time bombs, breathing into a paper bag after drinking vodka can be very illuminating.

69. Texas State Board of Education approves Bible course for high schools

Comment #213550 by TIKI AL on July 18, 2008 at 2:44 pm

Will there be comparisons to other factually accurate books such as "Pinnochio" and "Jack and the Bean Stalk"?

70. Texas State Board of Education approves Bible course for high schools

Comment #213530 by TIKI AL on July 18, 2008 at 2:28 pm

OK, but the classes must be taught by an impartial teacher who registers at least a 6.9-infinity on the Dawkins scale.

71. Calling World Conference on Dialogue a Symbol of Unity Among Different Traditions

Comment #213444 by TIKI AL on July 18, 2008 at 1:06 pm

First uniting order of business is the vote to round up all the atheists and place them in religious camps until they can also see the fear, superstitions, and darkness.

72. Bush Bureaucrats at Dept. of Health and Human Services Redefine Contraception as Abortion

Comment #213408 by TIKI AL on July 18, 2008 at 12:33 pm

In an effort to get the Arizona 2-time bush voting godbots to accept and promote solar power, we are telling them that massive amounts of solar panels will put a fatal strain on the sun and bring on the rapture.

A free ascension robe is included with every purchase.

73. Fury at funeral songs ban

Comment #211949 by TIKI AL on July 16, 2008 at 12:15 pm

Yes Paula, threats and intimidation can do wonders to make people conform.

Al Capone and Frank Nitty would have been proud of the minister.

74. The Return of Religion

Comment #211913 by TIKI AL on July 16, 2008 at 11:46 am

While carefully Scrutonizing the article, I started singing, "It's a delusional day in Roger's neighborhood, a delusional day in Roger's neighborhood." (it just came came over me, you know, like when a godbot breaks into tongues)

And no, Roger, I don't want to be your neighbor.

75. MnIndy interview: Unrepentant science-heathen PZ Myers still intends to prove 'this cracker is nothing'

Comment #211575 by TIKI AL on July 16, 2008 at 7:19 am

This cracker controversy makes "how to get out of Iraq" look like a piece of cake.

Wrap the cracker in a pair of magic undies and power-slam it between a bible and a koran during a lightning storm.

76. Fury at funeral songs ban

Comment #211537 by TIKI AL on July 16, 2008 at 5:54 am

"You can enjoy it without believing in it." (brainsys #48)

You have inspired me to peruse the Creation Museum of Delusion and stuff some sofa change in the mechanical bucking T-Rex.

77. Fury at funeral songs ban

Comment #211526 by TIKI AL on July 16, 2008 at 5:32 am

Jamie: When the vicar starts with the "religious aspects" of the funeral, it helps if you silently sing "la la la, la la la" at the top of your brain.

78. Fury at funeral songs ban

Comment #211354 by TIKI AL on July 15, 2008 at 9:46 pm

In the absense of the inquisition the Catholic Church has to get creative to show who is still in charge and all powerful.

We played Les Elgart music at my Mother's funeral.
My sister and I were in charge, so no delusional clergy were allowed in.

79. Lourdes fears priestly scandal will make profits dry up

Comment #210135 by TIKI AL on July 14, 2008 at 1:41 am

If it were not for that little b.s.ing peasant girl we wouldn't have that "down by Lourdes" song by the fabulous Rod Stewart.

OK, so I bought the song, but I'm drawing the line on the water purchase.

80. Host Desecration is Old Anti-Semitic Nonsense

Comment #210125 by TIKI AL on July 14, 2008 at 1:18 am

New church for a Christain ontopofmanure. ($$$)

1. Submerge a foreskin in an alchohol filled Ball canning jar.
2. Place on an altar in a repoed church.
3. Hang sign: "The Church of the Holy Jesus Foreskin".
4. Open doors Sunday morning.
5. Open offshore bank accounts on Monday.
6. Sell your wine and cracker stock on Tuesday.

81. Man Sues Church Over 'God Injury'

Comment #210112 by TIKI AL on July 14, 2008 at 12:43 am

A conman sueing a group of conmen? Kinky!

Since the floor(hell's ceiling) did the damage, wouldn't the devil be responsible?

82. Church Cancels Teen Gun Giveaway

Comment #210108 by TIKI AL on July 14, 2008 at 12:17 am

I'm surprised they didn't riot when the "Icon Gun" was a no-show.

It "is said" that the stock was carved from the cross of Christ.

Picture hordes of crazed dedicated godbot bushies going door to door with a hit list of everyone who has ever posted on atheist sites.

Got gun?

83. Ants, terrorism, and the awesome power of memes

Comment #210096 by TIKI AL on July 13, 2008 at 11:33 pm

"Wonder what it was?" (Auld #12.)

While lecturing, I could see in Dan's eyes that he has tied up all loose ends in string theory.

84. A trip to the Creation Museum

Comment #209781 by TIKI AL on July 13, 2008 at 10:21 am

One of the exhibits under construction is "Two Time Bush Voter Island".

Ape-like creatures blissfully unaware of the bigger world around them jumping from tree to tree using voting levers as clubs ala "2001 S.O."

85. Pope confirms sexual abuse apology

Comment #209747 by TIKI AL on July 13, 2008 at 6:56 am

Too late for remorceful transition,
we've all heard this empty rendition.
This x nazi youth, with dogma uncouth,
still longs for the old inquisition.

86. Thousands Flock to Revival in Search of Miracles

Comment #209698 by TIKI AL on July 13, 2008 at 3:29 am

I thought the poor little boy with the gnarled hands was cute when he asked:

"rev" Bentley, will I be able to play the guitar after you heal me?

"Yes, my son."

Funny, I never could before.

87. Pope confirms sexual abuse apology

Comment #209675 by TIKI AL on July 13, 2008 at 1:41 am

If god is so powerful why did he not smite the offenders pre bugger and save the church some money?

88. Pope confirms sexual abuse apology

Comment #209650 by TIKI AL on July 12, 2008 at 11:52 pm

I wonder if Father Guido Sarducci will be manning the "Finda da Popes ina da Pizza" booth?

89. Conversation between Richard Dawkins and John Lennox

Comment #206164 by TIKI AL on July 8, 2008 at 6:32 am

If miracles don't exist, how did Bush become president two times?

90. Degrees of religion

Comment #206126 by TIKI AL on July 8, 2008 at 6:02 am

Should a masochist follow the golden rule?

91. Churches' secret talks to stop gay surge

Comment #205750 by TIKI AL on July 7, 2008 at 6:56 pm

Thanks to the evangelicals extensive research we know that Katrina was sent by god to punish New Orleans gays for having outrageous parades and too much "fun" in general.

I await their results for the cause of the 500 year flood in the 'mercan midwest.

Too many gay Iowa farmers?
Strait farmers milking cows while thinking about Dolly Parton?
Iowa voting for Obama who is pro choice?
Erotic use of corncobs?

Why Lord? Why have you forsoaken us?

92. Teaching Evolution in Mexico: Preaching to the Choir

Comment #205715 by TIKI AL on July 7, 2008 at 5:50 pm

Don't knock a Mormon orgy unless you've tried one.

At 6 wives each they can get pretty kinky.
Just make sure they pay for the food and near-beer.

"10 commandment" condoms are always a big hit.

93. Teaching Evolution in Mexico: Preaching to the Choir

Comment #205672 by TIKI AL on July 7, 2008 at 4:04 pm

The "double glazers" see the "NO SALES PLEASE!!" sign and don't ring the bell.

When I asked the Mormons if they saw the sign, they informed me that it didn't apply to religion.

That's when I said "And I suppose you think that the earth is only 6,000 years old, too!"

As I listened to them drive down the block with the melodious strains of "The Flight of the Bumblebee" eminating from their bicycle spokes, I heard one of them proclaim "He's the devil! He's the devil!".

94. Teaching Evolution in Mexico: Preaching to the Choir

Comment #205661 by TIKI AL on July 7, 2008 at 3:40 pm

Perhaps the 3 Mormon tykes in my driveway had 18 wives between them besides thinking the earth is a youngster. Who knows which group they belong to.

When they left they were puzzled by several bible contradictions I threw out out there, but what really blew there young minds was when I positioned numerous cards and clothespins in their bicycle spokes to play "The Flight of the Bumblebee".

95. Teaching Evolution in Mexico: Preaching to the Choir

Comment #205512 by TIKI AL on July 7, 2008 at 11:55 am

Last month a Mormon pack of 3 well dressed and very polite teenage boys on bikes rang the bell and offered to do a good deed for me here in Tempe, Arizona.

I asked them some fundamental questions and they informed me that the earth was indeed 6,000 years old, so I asked them if they would bike to the grand canyon and count the layers for me in an effort to clear this "mystery" up.

96. The Boundaries of Belief

Comment #205125 by TIKI AL on July 6, 2008 at 4:09 pm

If you interview 35,000 Joe Blows off the street, more than five percent of them will try to knock you down and steal your wallet.

85% of that 5% were raised in Christain homes.

97. Prayer refusal pupils 'disciplined'

Comment #205114 by TIKI AL on July 6, 2008 at 3:23 pm

mordacious1: Please wear a mask when you paint your jeep. There is a danger of getting extremely high and "talking to god".

Bush got the Iraq invasion orders while spraying waterproofing on his shoes.

98. The Boundaries of Belief

Comment #205087 by TIKI AL on July 6, 2008 at 2:19 pm

Was THIS question on the "survey"?

"How long have you attended church and PRETENDED to believe in "God" and the Bible in order to gain access to a social network that would help your business, gain and keep employment or get you elected to public office?"

99. Prayer refusal pupils 'disciplined'

Comment #204673 by TIKI AL on July 5, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Too bad young Catholic students didn't question the priest's "pull down your pants and bend over for prayer" directive.

100. When too much Rapture is barely enough

Comment #204668 by TIKI AL on July 5, 2008 at 1:20 pm

"Also, where does everyone get the white robes from? Do you buy them or does jesus provide them?" (Apathy personified)

I have read many stories about con-godbots setting rapture dates and selling ascension robes with the date embroidered on them.

When the day passes and nothing happens, they set another date and whip up some new robes.

godbot on godbot crime.