I am writing to come clean – I admit that I once thought that you were, if you pardon the expression, a bit of a hypocritical cock. Even though I never managed to hurt your feelings personally (not to my knowledge anyway!) I still feel a twinge of guilt about this, even though many would profess that we atheists are obviously devoid of emotion and conscience! So, I’m writing this email.
While I have never been a strict follower of any religion, I used to consider atheism as the worst of the bunch. The word conjured mental images of rotting corpses and overly-opinionated pessimists sitting around strangling kittens and being generally glum, because they had “chosen” to “believe” that there was no God. It was an aversion to this dire fate that, I think, kept me hanging onto religion for so long.
Needless to say that when I thought that you were, as mentioned previously, a hypocritical cock, I was hardly fluent with your work and I suspect I wasn’t unique there. I can’t quite place what made me start listening to you, but regardless you opened my eyes to a whole spectrum of logic and rationality that I was closed off to before; and I realised, with horror, that it was I who was the hypocritical cock.
Atheism isn’t a glum word; I feel more privileged and lucky to be alive then I ever did before. I see religion as useless baggage; a huge anvil hanging around the neck of the world, preventing people from seeing just how truly stupendous this planet is. To say one being banged it up in six days pays is a grievous insult and anyone who believes that it was doesn’t appreciate their life as much as they should. I mean, comparatively, it’s taken me the better part of an hour to write this email.
I am embarrassed that I am sitting here in my early twenties and I’ve only really just realised this but, I suppose, better late than never. Religion has nothing to do with me anymore, beyond labelling myself a devout Pastafarianist for contention’s sake.
I doubt you’ll ever ready this, but I hope whatever avatar you have reading your mail accepts my thanks on your behalf; and, of course, my apologies for calling you a cock.