I have been in church since before I was born, literally. My parents raised, taught, and showed me the love of Jesus Christ, the redeeming Light and Lamb of God. The Vacation Bible Schools, Sunday school lessons, and youth group meetings I've been to are innumerable. And now, at 18, faced with a conflict of faith and the world that surrounds me, I have found higher fulfillment in secular humanism, Atheism. My good actions are no longer predicated by the inane “What Would Jesus Do?” but, “What do other people need?” Selfishness isn't a sin against God, it's a sin against one's self, as humans are social creatures in the vein of primates and geese. Evolution simply favors genes that foster cooperation. Not but a few days ago, I found that I could no longer stand living in a theological lie. I felt unable to function with my convictions concealed. I spoke out.
Declaring my worldview change to both parents and youth pastor has resulted in many tears, exposed anger, and complete frustration with the situation. They all repeatedly challenge me to “saturate myself with the Word,” refuse to believe even simple evolution under the fact that “monkeys still exist,” and are all utterly convicted of the purpose Christ serves in their lives. Now that I've rejected Christ, and am on my way to Hell, only my mother has shed a tear, everyone else believes that this period of doubt is crucial to my 'walk with Jesus.' They refuse simple eighth grade science; their entire view of history and current eschatology has my mother scared that we are in the 'end times'.
They say “I know what Christ has done for me.” I want to explicitly state was Christ has NOT done for ME and BILLIONS of others. The scores of the dead that today's church walks upon speaks volume as to the wanton waste of humanity that God allows. What Christ does is an illusion. Christ is an anomoly of himself. He advocates turning the other cheek, yet tells his followers to trade in their cloaks for swords (a passage of Scripture never mentioned in church). etc. etc.
Lastly, my mother's view of parenting is so fundamentally rooted in Chritianity that she now feels like a failure; no amount of explaining on my part will erase the notion that I now hate my raising and moral instruction (I hate neither). Gee thanks, Jesus.
Sadly, my life has been fully wrapped around my church. If I truly go public, I become a charity chase and an emotional burden to my friends and elders. If I continue playing the game, I'll never live.
Searching for an easier way while knowing the truth,