Converts, Wed, Jan 30 2013 #(981)

Jan 30, 2013

I was the victim of child molestation 20 years ago. No, it was not a Catholic priest, but a devout member of the church my stepfather went to. I will not go into the details, but he talked to his priest about it. Apparently, God forgave him his trangressions. I felt like God used me like a piece of tissue paper when I found out about it when I was 16. God sent bad people to hell, I was told, but if you repented you are free to go to heaven. That was something cruel for me to hear.

Anyway, my molester got away with his crimes because he was 17 at the time. I guess that the judge also felt sorry for the bastard, so I guess he was a little merciful. My molester got 5 months probation. When realized that the law failed me, I resorted to Divine intervention. I kept pleading to God to get him. Although my other cousin's tortured him his entire senior year and he has been living with “guilt” ever since, God did not punish him like I wanted. No car accidents, no heart attack, no lightening bolt that hit him and only him. Nothing, he is still alive. I was told that's the way God is punishing him. I felt like that was not good enough because in the Bible, he killed the Egyptians, he brought down Jericho, and he nuked Soddom and Gomorrah. Why couldn't God cap him Old Testament style for me? I thought God loved me too.

At that time in my life, I felt like the little kid that sat looking out a the window for the parent that left him. I felt certain that if I am extra good, God would come for me and we will get my molester together. I followed the rules in the Bible, but no God. I went to church every Sunday, but no God. I even prayed really hard for him to come. Still, my molester was alive and God did not intercede on my behalf. Sonn after this, I talked to my priest about it. He told me that I have to forgive my molester. I got pissed because he made my molester out to be the victim. I told him that I'll think about it. When I got home that night, I was in pain. I was the victim not him. Why did I have to be meek? I think I cried for an hour before I fell asleep.

When I woke up, my mom told me that my molester was having problems with his marriage. She told me it was god acting on my behalf. I did not buy it anymore. Eventually, like that little kid at the window who realized that daddy was not coming back, I came to the conclusion that God was not looking out for me. If he was not going to respond to me, then why waste time with him? If God did not want to help a child in pain, then he has no compassion.I had to step away from that window and move on with my life.

I did not become an atheist because of that event. I would say that it was the catalyst that would eventually cause me to become one. It took 5 more years before I realized that god was a myth to keep people in line.


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