When I was nine or ten years old, I was well on my way to becoming a scientist, in fact it was my dream. I was a believer in evolution already (though mistakenly thinking that humans had evolved from lemurs rather than sharing a common ancestor with them or a lemur like creature). I was intensely fascinated with astronomy and paleontology; at times my mother grew tired of my constant talk of science. However my progress, if any, was stalled at that age by my sudden plunge into the baptismal depths (metaphor) of Christian doctrine. One night I had become convinced that I had seen a ghost and had immediately told my mother, who in turn contacted a Catholic priest who came to our home and sanctified it with holy water. It was then arranged that I and my siblings should be baptised. And so we were. Then dawned my decade long era of Christianity. I always waxed and wained in my faith and devotion, but the effect had been made. At the age of eleven I read the gospels nightly, at 14 I denounced evolution after being introduced to creationism and ‘Answers in Genesis’ by a kind believer at my Baptist Church. At 16 I had become super-religious, a fundamentalist in the making. I disallowed my friends to blaspheme in my presence, almost lost them through my arrogance and by not allowing them the freedom to not believe what I did. Luckily that phase soon passed and again my ferver wained. At 19 and 20 I began writing a blog dedicated to Christian doctrine and Biblical refutation of other religions as ‘deceptions from Satan’.
It wasn’t until I was 20 and had returned from a holiday in Sydney that I began to question my faith. I had discovered Ray Comfort, a well known New Zealander evangelist. I found his talks and evangelism flawless and entertaining, and his way of ‘circumnavigating the intellect’ as the perfect rebuttal to athiests. For a while I actually believed his infamous banana routine.
But then entered Thunder00t and Richard Dawkins. I was fascinated by Ray’s challenge to Professor Dawkins to debate. But thank Thunderf00t for stripping me of my confidence. Thunderf00t presented arguments that really bothered me, while Ray presented his usual routine about paintings and painters and morality, and logic that something can’t come from nothing. He gave no arguments supporting God’s existence, he just tried to appeal to the conscience.
Then I watched many videos and saw just how illogical the majority of creationist arguments are.
I have now started (or rather come back to where I left off ten years ago) reading science books, The Greatest Show on Earth by Richard Dawkins among others, books that I was too afraid to read while trapped in the mindset that I would be damned for reading them.
I have come to discover that for everything that creationism seeks to explains, naturalism explains more thoroughly and provides solid evidence to back it up.
So I am now coming back to my roots of a worldview based on science, reason and logic.
So what am I? Little more than a month ago I would have said ‘I am a Christian’, but out of fear of divine retribution, and I still do. I have contemplated agnosticism, atheism, and Thunderf00t’s Pearlism (Physical Evidence and Reasonable Logic). In a way I would consider myself closest to a Pearlist, though I am not yet ready to label myself, if I ever will. For now, I’m a naturalist.