I Feel Alone

Apr 10, 2014


Discussion by: elconquistador

I feel alone, but perhaps that's normal. Perhaps I just need to be patient. I basically lost everyone, or at least I lost their sympathies and genuine friendship (except my wife). Everyone in the church assumes they know what I know and what is best for me. None of them listen. That's okay, why should I expect them to? If they listened to the Book of Mormon and half the rubbish church leaders say they would be ex-Mormon like me. I wanted to send my resignation so bad but my mother and grandmother made me promise I wouldn't. They think I'll come back some day, but I won't. The hurt is deep and the facts are real, I'm done with all religion. 
 

Everyone contacts my wife with friendly letters. Saying they miss her and want her to come back. No one sends me anything. It hurts a little, but I wouldn't care for it otherwise. But all this attention to my wife makes me think that they (True Believing Mormons) might think I've tempted my wife to leave as well. There's also a rumor going around that my wife and I are now satanists who practice which craft.

What part of atheist and agnostic do they not understand? I enjoy science and the ability to admit I was wrong.

I'm trying really hard to have a clean head and positive perspective. Just I feel this knot in my chest, this emptiness, this pain that won't go away when I think about all my efforts, all my time spent, all my church study, all my meetings with the bishop, all the guilt, and mental illness. I almost hurt myself the other day. I was going to start cutting again. But I didn't, I've already gone to a mental hospital and I wasn't going to let the church make me go crazy again. I wasn't going to let my wife see what I did and make her hurt. I wasn't going to be a coward. I refuse to start smoking again. I know it's bad. And I refuse to use drinking as a coping mechanism but sometimes it hurts so bad.
 

None of my friends (who are mostly religious) really understand or care. None of my family members care. Each time I speak to any of my friends who are religious and thought I was too, they now just speak to me out of pity. No one texted me. No one  called me.  No one understands what being atheist means. Like it's okay to say you don't believe in god but don't you dare say atheist. Ugh …

Luckily, I still see a psych but I wouldn't dare tell them I think about suicide sometimes. I can control it, I won't do it, but sometimes I hurt so bad. I really cared about church, I really defended it, I really avoided science to save my faith but now … I'm empty.

I've decided to stay involved as much as I can on all the ex-Mormon sites. It makes me feel good that I'm not alone. It makes me feel good to know that though I don't have any ex-Mormon friends nearby, I do have some behind a computer screen. I don't know what I would do without this site and the other forums and atheist forums, it's the only place I don't feel alone. I also decided to get involved in some manga, comics, physics, and music forums too so I can get my mind off the whole ex-Mormon thing and strengthen my hobbies so I don't feel so bad for myself.

I feel like a big baby writing all this but it's how I feel and it's places like this that I can know that someone out there understands.

So I guess now I just need patience, lots of self love, and a lot of perseverance. I know I'll get out, but when? I'm married and almost 21. I'm nowhere near graduating college, I've really ruined my college career because all of the stuff I've dealt with. So I'm just focusing on entrepreneurialism and starting my computer business. I love programing and computers and the physics of the whole thing. 
 

I guess it's time to just put one step in front of the other. Find some other nerdy friends to talk games and manga with. Some geniuses to teach me what they know about physics. And buy a piano.

How I miss the sound of a piano. I've been without one for 4 months. My piano is sometimes my best friend. The way I can practice and practice and never get tired. The way all the notes fall so nicely together to make songs. When I dream, I sometimes dream of playing. I play a song and it is so euphoric, I'm at peace, and nothing bothers me. But for now I just listen to piano solos and when I do I dream and when I dream I am happy. 

73 comments on “I Feel Alone

  • I’m so lone except my wife.
    Bummer dude. I’m 52, single, never married, no children, atheist.
    I have a cat.
    Why not get a cat?



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  • You need to move to another place far from where you live now. I know that is not easy to do, but you can make new friends. I don’t know where you live but you are young and have many years ahead of you. I suggest the west coast. You can’t spend the rest of your life anywhere near where you are now.



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  • 3
    Sheepdog says:

    You are certainly less alone than you realize. There are people like you, dealing with the same demons, and they should not be hard to find. The atheist web sites can help locally, and I have seen sites that specifically are made up of people escaping the Mormon church.

    Hang in there, there really is light at the end of the tunnel, and I would suggest sending a resignation, there has to be a closure. Do support your wife, it cannot be easy for her, and she will need to know that leaving the church is not a reflection on her.

    Best of luck, you have a new life of independent thought in front of you. Making your own path through it will be challenging, but there will be the deep satisfaction of its being your path, not that of a myth and based obedience demanding regime.



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  • 4
    PetesSake says:

    You are just too isolated, but please realize that there are millions of people who no longer, or never, believed in any gods and certainly have no need for religion. The behavior of the so-called believers is more proof to me that religion and faith mean basically nothing. These people, who supposedly eat and drink the body and blood of their savior and who should be the most kind, gracious, loving, noncondemning, are often the most cruel, selfish, and thoughtless of all.

    I read an article recently about the 5 regrets of the dying:

    1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
    3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    We’re all going to die someday, and why not follow our own thoughts, dreams, plans, goals, and refuse to be forced into compliance because other people were indoctrinated and cannot or will not break free? Life is really very short, and we’re extremely fortunate to have this experience: to feel, breathe, think, love, taste, smell, learn, and so on. There is nothing wrong with choosing your own path and refusing to be part of group think and controlled by ancient stories and a lot of superstitious beliefs. Whenever I’m down, I especially think of number 1 and 3 in the list above, and I deliberately set out to do my own thing, learn something new, try something different, even if that means just cooking something I’ve never made before. I chart my own course as much as possible, and I’m having fun. One of the best moments was when I formally broke from my church and obtained my unbaptismal certificate from the Freedom From Religion organization. Also, giving back is really helpful and makes me feet fantastic. I give as I’m able to the Foundation Beyond Belief (http://foundationbeyondbelief.org). If you haven’t, check it out.

    Also, I wanted to mention that I have very religious members of my family. Some disowned me for this simple reason that I do not believe in their fairy tale, not because I’m an evil, cruel, nasty, or rude person; in fact, I’m basically the same person they previously supposedly cared for and liked, only I’m enlightened (and happy to be so!)–we remain estranged after several years. Others, who initially hung up on me, cussed at me, or screamed at me, and so on, now are fine. They love me and decided it was better to accept me than lose me. I occasionally still have to fend off proselytizing, but all in all, it’s much better after some time from the initial coming out of the closet nightmare. I hope you find that is your experience, too. I’ve also discovered family members who were also atheist and had not revealed this before, so that was awesome. I had to make new friends, too, and I found Meetup – Find Your People a great place to start. You can find your way through the isolation and cruelty from believers, and life can be so much better! Just hang in there, but also please start making great plans for the rest of your life and try to appreciate that you are here and can enjoy all that life has to offer. Our lifespan is short enough, try to improve your outlook, don’t give up, and don’t let believers ruin your shot at a fulfilling and meaningful and enjoyable life!



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  • 5
    Alan4discussion says:

    Shunning is one of the psychological weapons of religious cults which use their closed ranks of “mind-slaves” to pressurise dissidents.

    There are (with some geographical exceptions), usually a range of people in a locality who are not tied to particular cults, so find some new hobbies and social activities where you can make new friends. Once you have established that you cannot be bullied, some of your old ones may gain some respect for you and your new views. Those who can’t or won’t are not worth your friendship. Any who are trying to drive wedges between yourself and your wife, should be cut off and shunned by you both.

    How I miss the sound of a piano. I’ve been without one for 4 months. My piano is sometimes my best friend. The way I can practice and practice and never get tired. The way all the notes fall so nicely together to make songs. When I dream, I sometimes dream of playing. I play a song and it is so euphoric, I’m at peace, and nothing bothers me. But for now I just listen to piano solos and when I do I dream and when I dream I am happy.

    I would suggest that you buy a modern keyboard which can be played as a piano or as an organ or sound like other instruments. I would suggest that you join some music club or music group which has nothing to do with Mormons.

    I have my mother’s piano, but keyboards are so much more portable and can easily be electronically mixed when working with a band.

    You need some new friends who are not the tools of a religious cult.

    @OP – I guess it’s time to just put one step in front of the other. Find some other nerdy friends to talk games and manga with. Some geniuses to teach me what they know about physics.

    You can learn science by reading articles or participating in discussions on this site, but you sound as if you and your wife, need some new physical friends locally.



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  • This is a terrible story! It’s hard to believe that a group of people can behave in a way that’s so contrary to their own stated system of values….so un-Christlike! I really feel for you. I hope you’re able to move ( go west by the sound of it).



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  • Can you tell us where you live? There may be posters who live in your area who could give advice on local places to meet people who can actually think.



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  • Get a copy of the book, THE HAPPY ATHEIST,by PZ Myers. Here is a sample, “I’m an Atheist swimming in a sea of superstition, surrounded by well-meaning, good people with whom I share a culture and similar concerns, and there is only one thing I can do. I have to laugh.” You are not alone! Cultivate your relationships with a sense of humor. And read Douglas Adams HITCHHIKER books and watch some Monty Python movies, especially LIFE OF BRYAN. You will laugh and be better for it.



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  • Religion has been a big part of your very short life. That makes you think it is important. It isn’t. My good friend and next door neighbor is an athiest. We were neighbors and friends for over 20 years before religion was mentioned. I asked what his wife was an he said ‘I have no idea’. That is an example of how you should try to view it in the future. When you make new friends remember that your beliefs are nobody’s business but your own. Choose new friends for qualities you admire. Don’t ask about their beliefs



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  • 10
    Snowjava says:

    It hurts to find out you have been blatantly lied to by authoritarian figures and your family. More then that, now that you have realized the lie, they deny the lie and blame you the victim. I had to disown my family and many people recently for the same reason. It takes courage and going through some uneasy feelings, but it can be done.

    Reason and rationality are your best friends in life. Think about what your options are and proceed from there. You are young and have a life ahead of you. You have the ability to flourish to your potential with some good thinking and planning. Sometimes it is better to have no human beings in your life, then the wrong ones and that includes family.

    Try and not use drugs or alcohol to sugar coat the pain. Know the pain will ebb and flow and each day is a new day. I wish I would have realized what you have at 21. I believe you can make it happen with reason and rationality. I wish you the best.



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  • 11
    Tony Gavin says:

    elconquistador, I’ve been there (I am an ex-Mormon) as have many on this forum. Something that you need to understand is that your entire life has been build upon certain foundations and expectations. You have been taught since birth to conduct your life in a certain manner, get an education, complete a mission, find a worthy mate, marry in the Temple, be a good son, brother, husband, priest and church leader. Your ultimate goal (the one fed you) has been to obtain celestial glory in the hereafter, something achieved by your works in this life. To that end, your life has been occupied with endless church attendance, youth meetings and visits to your home by church members. Now that you have seen through the veil of superstition (not to mention the transparent fraud of Mormonism) your life is no longer occupied by these things.

    For me, the greatest challenge in leaving Mormonism was in determining “how will I live my life?”. It’s a question that you must now confront head on, and answer with honesty. You no longer have an expectation set that includes celestial glory in the hereafter, so what should your ultimate goal be? You no longer inhabit a world filled with endless religious observance and church attendance, so how do you fill those hours? You no longer share the beliefs of your (former) friends, so how do you form new friendships with people who share similar values to those that you now have? These are just some of the questions that must be asked and answered, if you are to find contentment and happiness in your new world.

    You’re a young man with so much to live for. It seems that you have a supportive wife, who loves you. Freed of the stifling belief system and rigid social structures that accompany Mormonism, you can achieve so many wonderful things. Please, take the time to think about what it is that will truly make you happy. What do you wish to have? Where do you wish to go? How do you want to live? What kind of person do you want to become? Reasons always precede answers.

    Right now, it sounds like you’ve run out reasons to have the life you deserve, simply because up to now you’ve always lived for the reasons force fed to you by others. It’s time to choose your own reasons for being – then seek out the ways to bring those reasons to life, as part of your conscious (worldly) reality. Trust me when I tell you that this requires a LOT of effort. Please also trust me when I tell you that the rewards are worth the considerable effort involved. Test it for yourself. Good luck!



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  • I agree with Nash33’s comment: you are young and need to move. Will be difficult at first, but I suggest moving to a big city where people are open-minded and there are employment opportunities.



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  • 13
    Mormon Atheist says:

    It’s tough leaving religion, especially Mormonism. They do a very good job of creating a community around you and because of that it becomes exceedingly difficult to leave. You’ve completed the first step by telling people how you feel, and now the tough part is rebuilding that community with new people who care about you. I am happy that you are now able to enjoy your life in a whole new way that in the end will be more fulfilling. I don’t know where you are living but if you’re in Utah that’s where I am and there are more atheists here then you might imagine. Stay strong.



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  • 14
    BanJoIvie says:

    Before I say anything else, read this.

    You MUST be completely honest with your therapist about your suicidal thoughts. If you absolutely don’t feel comfortable doing so, you must find another therapist immediately, until you can. I understand that you think that you can handle it, but it’s NOT okay to keep suicidal ideation a secret from someone treating you. Maybe you can control it…right up until the one moment when you can’t. The fact that you are able to control it now means this is the time that you MUST share it. It’s a symptom. A really important one. It effects your treatment and withholding it from your therapist is very dangerous. This is extremely important. Whatever justifications you make for keeping this to yourself, sweep them aside. You say you “don’t dare” to tell, but this is one of those things you can’t afford NOT to tell. Do it. At your very next session. Don’t delay. Don’t talk about anything else first. Just rip off the Band-Aid so your therapist can have all the facts needed to really help you.

    You’re not as alone as you think. Believe me, I know how it feels now, but you are in a place where perspective is very difficult to gain. I left the LDS church at about 21 or 22 (depending on which part of the “leaving process” you count) and I know what pain you are feeling. It took me until I was nearly 40 to finally send in a resignation, but I can’t tell you what a relief it was. More freeing than I could have imagined.

    That doesn’t mean that you have to do it, or even that you should. You’ll know when the time is right, when you are ready. Only you can say whether you are bound by a “promise ” that some one “made” you make. But if I may be so bold as to advise, your decision about what organizations to join or to leave is 100% your own. You don’t have to stay in a church because someone else wants it. If you have family that you don’t think can handle your decision to separate, then you don’t have to tell them. Of course, it’s possible that they might find out so you should be prepared for that. On the other hand, there is no rush. Just because the church lists you as a member on their records doesn’t make you any more Mormon in reality. Only you can decide whether you are Mormon or not, and the LDS records department has nothing to say on the matter. For a long time, even after I was completely at peace with my rejection of the church, I didn’t bother to formally resign because I couldn’t bring myself to care what they had in their silly books. Finally a time came when the stink of LDS political positions made me mad enough to disassociate formally. Like I said, when it’s right you’ll know.

    At the risk of sounding cliché, just know it gets better. Honestly, it really does. Like others, I wonder where you are and if there is any chance you can go somewhere else for a fresh start. Even if moving is impractical in the short term, you might be surprised how different the world can be right in your own town. When you’re finally ready to see it. I’m in Salt Lake and I have many atheist friends. We’re all over, even if you don’t realize it.



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  • 15
    catphil says:

    A very moving story. I write to offer my moral support and say “you are NOT alone”. You are getting good advice here, including from several who have been through a similar process. But each one’s circumstances is different. No doubt participating in the exmormon/postmormon websites and secular websites will give you some more comfort ( and perhaps practical support).

    I have found it psychologically helpful when faced with problems to “count one’s blessings” ( so to speak) and be reminded that some people have known worse situations. You could have been burnt at the stake if you lived under the Inquisition, and be in great danger if you were a renegade Moslem in 2014 in many countries.

    PS. Maybe you (RDFS?) could start a subscription to buy a piano. I, for one, would gladly contribute



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  • 16
    Lonevoice says:

    I stand with the comments above and am so moved by your story.

    Whether you move away (i.e. want to or are able to) is up to you. You must do what you think is best for you and your wife in that repsect, and naturally, you will discuss it together.

    You are not so alone, as many people for all sorts of different reasons feel as if they are the only ones who are going through difficult stuff. That’s one of the horrible things about difficult times: one can feel so alone. Thank you for sharing your heart – as painful as your circumstances are – clearly the people who have posted above have warmed to you for doing so.

    You may be right in your opening comment, however, that you need patience. As hard as tough times are to go through, they don’t always change straight away. I’m seeking to encourage you to hang on in there, as the valley you’re in will surely come to an end. You will get through this, but you need to be honest with people – not rude to them, but truthful about where you’re at.

    And if I may make a suggestion; ignore the comments of people who clearly make no effort to understand you, as you will find their so-called ‘advice’ too much to bear. That said, there may be some wise people who say things you struggle to accept at the time, but who truly have your best interests at heart. It’s a tough job to distinguish between the two, but something deep inside you will tell you which is which.

    I understand how you find playing the piano so therapeutic and sincerely hope that you’re able to find a way to buy one ASAP.

    Keep going.



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  • 17
    crookedshoes says:

    Hey man, Check out “Rick Wakeman’s awesome piano solo” on youtube.

    Here’s the thing, what I just did, the little “hey man check this out….” that is what the world is made of. You can practice this technique and use it. Check out the world and invite folks along to revel in it’s beauty.

    No matter how bad today seems, it will end, and tomorrow begins with new promise and hope. Go out and make your life. Shape it with purpose and reason. Make your life.

    You have stood with the religious folks and listened to their “hey man check this out…” lines. It is not for you. That is where you are right here, right now. Now stand with the rest of us and “hey man, check this out….” The world is fascinating and wonderful and you are a part of it. Go do it.



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  • 18
    Mr DArcy says:

    You’re not alone. You’re among friends and people here who care about the world.

    You’re only 21 ! A mere stripling ! You have a world to gain !

    Try learning Bach’s 48 (Well Tempered Clavier). That should keep your mind off bad thoughts, – and all those miserable Mormon bastards trying to bully you and your wife.



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  • 19
    SteveHorn says:

    Above all nurture your relationship with your wife. Your childhood connections are your past, she is the future. Have you asked what she wants? Make decisions as a team. Good luck and congratulations, you are very brave.



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  • 20
    ikinmoore says:

    I had the same feeling with an ex boyfriend of mine.He was an SDA to whom I went to church. I was searching for a faith which, at the end of the day, never came to me. I was not brought up to believe and never shall be a believer. The mind was so wrap up with “is there some thing out there” that I wanted to investigate this “God”. After two years I decided that this was not for me or ever shall be for me.

    My advice is that you believe what you want to believe and leave the rest to Science.



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  • 21
    Ornicar says:

    As someone once mentioned around here, if escaping from religion left a big Santa Claus shaped hole in your life, fill it with Daniel Dennett.



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  • 23
    crookedshoes says:

    One more observation.

    You get 1000 months. 1000. At 21 you have lived roughly 250 of them. These are the months where a day is as long as a week and lounging and hanging out are your indulgences (at least they were for me). The 250 you have experienced were not wasted, but rather, they set the stage for your next 250 and so on….

    Make your next 250 the ones that think and feel and matter. If you can avoid getting whacked by a falling safe or anvil, and can stay in a positive mind set, your next 250 months could change the world. If that is too expansive a vista, your next 250 could change YOUR world. GO DO IT.



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  • 24
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you, and I do live on the West Coast thankfully! I’m sure it’ll be easier to find friends since I do not live in Utah! In reply to #2 by Nash33:*

    You need to move to another place far from where you live now. I know that is not easy to do, but you can make new friends. I don’t know where you live but you are young and have many years ahead of you. I suggest the west coast. You can’t spend the rest of your life anywhere near where you are now.



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  • 25
    elconquistador says:

    Luckily, my wife and I are on the same page. She is just more agnostic than I am. Thank you for your encouragement and advice. As soon as have the chance, I will definitely be resigning. In reply to #3 by Sheepdog:

    You are certainly less alone than you realize. There are people like you, dealing with the same demons, and they should not be hard to find. The atheist web sites can help locally, and I have seen sites that specifically are made up of people escaping the Mormon church.

    Hang in there, there really…



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  • 26
    elconquistador says:

    Wow, thank you so much for that reply. I have so much to say to it but for now I will say that your reply has really helped me through this past week in contemplating certain things. Thank you for that. In reply to #4 by PetesSake:

    You are just too isolated, but please realize that there are millions of people who no longer, or never, believed in any gods and certainly have no need for religion. The behavior of the so-called believers is more proof to me that religion and faith mean basically nothing. These people, who suppo…



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  • 27
    elconquistador says:

    You’re totally right, we are currently in search of a new social base. And thank you, I have actually used my tax return to get a new piano! It has really been a great coping mechanism this past week. 🙂 In reply to #5 by Alan4discussion:

    Shunning is one of the psychological weapons of religious cults which use their closed ranks of “mind-slaves” to pressurise dissidents.

    There are (with some geographical exceptions), usually a range of people in a locality who are not tied to particular cults, so find some new hobbies and social ac…



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  • 28
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you for your advice, I have certainly used it this past week. I will also soon be purchasing the books you mentioned. Love that quote! 🙂 In reply to #8 by delva:

    Get a copy of the book, THE HAPPY ATHEIST,by PZ Myers. Here is a sample, “I’m an Atheist swimming in a sea of superstition, surrounded by well-meaning, good people with whom I share a culture and similar concerns, and there is only one thing I can do. I have to laugh.” You are not alone! Cultivate y…



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  • 29
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you! I completely agree and will take your advice to heart. My dream world is one where religions that divide humanity no longer exist. The human race is so much more diverse and valuable than the religions that seek to control it. In reply to #9 by Nash33:

    Religion has been a big part of your very short life. That makes you think it is important. It isn’t. My good friend and next door neighbor is an athiest. We were neighbors and friends for over 20 years before religion was mentioned. I asked what his wife was an he said ‘I have no idea’. That is an…



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  • 30
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your comment had really helped me cope this past week. Oh man, just thank you. I really appreciate your support and the thought that you put into that comment. In reply to #11 by Tony Gavin:

    elconquistador, I’ve been there (I am an ex-Mormon) as have many on this forum. Something that you need to understand is that your entire life has been build upon certain foundations and expectations. You have been taught since birth to conduct your life in a certain manner, get an education, comple…



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  • 31
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you so much! 🙂 Luckily I live in So-Cal so hopefully I will be able to blend and mesh with humanity satisfactorily in the near future. In reply to #14 by Mormon Atheist:

    It’s tough leaving religion, especially Mormonism. They do a very good job of creating a community around you and because of that it becomes exceedingly difficult to leave. You’ve completed the first step by telling people how you feel, and now the tough part is rebuilding that community with new pe…



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  • 32
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you so much for your love and consideration. I will certainly be bringing my thought to light with my therapist in my next meeting. 🙂 In reply to #15 by BanJoIvie:

    Before I say anything else, read this.

    You MUST be completely honest with your therapist about your suicidal thoughts. If you absolutely don’t feel comfortable doing so, you must find another therapist immediately, until you can. I understand that you think that you can handle it, but it’s NOT okay…



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  • 33
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you so much!! And oh wow, that will be no longer necessary. That has to be the kindest thing any stranger has said to me. Luckily I have used my tax return to purchase a Yamaha YPG-235. Thank you thank you thank you. 🙂 In reply to #16 by catphil:

    A very moving story. I write to offer my moral support and say “you are NOT alone”. You are getting good advice here, including from several who have been through a similar process. But each one’s circumstances is different. No doubt participating in the exmormon/postmormon websites and secular web…



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  • 34
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you so much for your warm reply. I really took your advice to heart this past week to help me come to terms with some things. Thank you for that. In reply to #17 by Lonevoice:

    I stand with the comments above and am so moved by your story.

    Whether you move away (i.e. want to or are able to) is up to you. You must do what you think is best for you and your wife in that repsect, and naturally, you will discuss it together.

    You are not so alone, as many people for all sorts…



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  • 35
    elconquistador says:

    WOW! That solo was insane. Absolutely phenomenal!! Thank you for sharing that with me along with your encouragement. It’s really helped. 🙂 In reply to #18 by crookedshoes:

    Hey man, Check out “Rick Wakeman’s awesome piano solo” on youtube.

    Here’s the thing, what I just did, the little “hey man check this out….” that is what the world is made of. You can practice this technique and use it. Check out the world and invite folks along to revel in it’s beauty.

    No mat…



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  • 36
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you so much! I’m beginning No.1 in C Major 🙂 I’ve actually never attempted any Bach yet.In reply to #19 by Mr DArcy:

    You’re not alone. You’re among friends and people here who care about the world.

    You’re only 21 ! A mere stripling ! You have a world to gain !

    Try learning Bach’s 48 (Well Tempered Clavier). That should keep your mind off bad thoughts, – and all those miserable Mormon bastards trying to bully yo…



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  • 37
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you! And I absolutely have. And youre right, she is my number one. 🙂 In reply to #20 by SteveHorn:

    Above all nurture your relationship with your wife. Your childhood connections are your past, she is the future. Have you asked what she wants? Make decisions as a team. Good luck and congratulations, you are very brave.



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  • 38
    elconquistador says:

    hahaha, thank you. After reading tons of Richard Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens, and Stephen Hawking, it appears that Daniel Dennet is the next author to investigate. 🙂 In reply to #22 by Ornicar:

    As someone once mentioned around here, if escaping from religion left a big Santa Claus shaped hole in your life, fill it with Daniel Dennett.



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  • 40
    BanJoIvie says:

    In reply to #33 by elconquistador:

    I will certainly be bringing my thought to light with my therapist in my next meeting. 🙂 In reply to #15 by BanJoIvie:

    I’m so glad to hear that! I lost one of my oldest and dearest friends to suicide a few years ago, and have struggled with bouts of suicidal depression myself. It’s so important to get help early rather than trusting your own strength.

    It’s really great to read all your heartfelt thanks. Very touching. Keep reaching out when you feel isolated! I’m always amazed at how close a sympathetic ear usually is.



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  • Since you live in So. Cal., a good way to spend a Sunday would be for you to drive to San Diego and spend some time at La Jolla cove.
    The beauty of this place plus the Seals and Seabirds will lift anyone’s spirits. The neighboring communities of Pacific Beach and Ocean Beach have many good reasonably priced Mexican and seafood restaurants. Have lunch in one and dinner in the other. Soak up some of their unique culture.
    After a Sunday like this you will wonder why anyone would want to waste a perfectly good Sunday on church.



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  • 42
    Tony Gavin says:

    In reply to #31 by elconquistador:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your comment had really helped me cope this past week. Oh man, just thank you. I really appreciate your support and the thought that you put into that comment. In reply to #11 by Tony Gavin:

    elconquistador, I’ve been there (I am an ex-Mormon) as have many on this fo…

    My pleasure. So glad you found this helpful. Just keep pressing forward – you never know what wonder awaits you ahead. 🙂



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  • 43
    crookedshoes says:

    You’d also do well to mentally discern “alone” and “lonely”. They are two different things. I never mind being alone (well, that’s only partially true), but I abhor being lonely. I think so lowly of lonely that it makes me upset to think of others being lonely.

    I hope you are alone and not lonely. But, the stuff I’ve read on this thread and your personality coming through in your answers leads me to believe that if you weather this storm, you’ll come out a better man in the long run.



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  • 45
    Ren Faiz says:

    If you have Netflix streaming video, locate Roger Nygard’s “The Nature of Existence,” which begins with a documentary, then really gets into it with the seven companion videos. Outstanding, with respect to punching holes in religions and allowing for rational, intelligent thought, and atheism. From those videos, I made lists of speakers, authors, and their books and their work. After that, I have read two books by Dawkins, both The God Delusion and The Selfish Gene, each of which are easy reads, because they not only make sense, but (and here it is about being alone)…. and, all of the videos and book are very affirming, validating, and they definitely reinforce that you are not alone, not at all. Now reading both Why God Won’t Go Away, and also Stumbling On Happiness, while listening to it’s outstanding bpok-on-CD, as well.

    And just look at THIS, a hilarious article in today’s Washington Post, about Christians being idiots over the red moon eclipse:

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/religion/blood-moon-sets-off-apocalyptic-debate-among-some-christians/2014/04/15/00b76502-c4be-11e3-9ee7-02c1e10a03f0_story.html

    No, you’re not alone. Yes it is indeed it is hard to “come out” as a skeptic, non-believer or atheist, even if you haven’t told anyone, but it does get better, as you become validated, such as I said above. Yes, validated and used to it.

    Good for you.



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  • 46
    Ren Faiz says:

    Why move? Stand your ground and go on with life. Just don’t interact with the fanatics, you have nothing to prove and you don’t have to justify anything to anyone.

    In reply to #2 by Nash33:

    You need to move to another place far from where you live now. I know that is not easy to do, but you can make new friends. I don’t know where you live but you are young and have many years ahead of you. I suggest the west coast. You can’t spend the rest of your life anywhere near where you are now.



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  • 47
    elconquistador says:

    Absolutely, I must share the same care and respect for those who have showed concern. 🙂 In reply to #40 by Nash33:

    Thank you for replying to so many of us. If we have been able to help, we all win.



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  • 48
    elconquistador says:

    Nash33, you just described my hometown! Okay, not really, I live in El Cajon but I love SD and travel to PB frequently and 2 weeks ago just tried hodads! In reply to #42 by Nash33:

    Since you live in So. Cal., a good way to spend a Sunday would be for you to drive to San Diego and spend some time at La Jolla cove.
    The beauty of this place plus the Seals and Seabirds will lift anyone’s spirits. The neighboring communities of Pacific Beach and Ocean Beach have many good reasonabl…



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  • 49
    elconquistador says:

    Thank you so much, and yes, your right. I’ve been focusing accepting myself being alone but not lonely, like the cliche: be your own best friend. In reply to #44 by crookedshoes:

    You’d also do well to mentally discern “alone” and “lonely”. They are two different things. I never mind being alone (well, that’s only partially true), but I abhor being lonely. I think so lowly of lonely that it makes me upset to think of others being lonely.

    I hope you are alone and not lonel…



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  • 50
    elconquistador says:

    Absolutely, add me: elconquistador1993 . (and anyone else.) In reply to #45 by Aureliano Buendia:

    Do you want to speak via skype? I think talk will help you.



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  • 51
    Indygrl76 says:

    If you live in Utah you need to seek out the Universalist Unitarian “church” which welcomes freethinkers like yourself and believers like your wife. If you are in Utah, then the goal of the Mormon community will be to turn your wife against you in order to “save” her. You say you have “ruined” your college career– that is never the truth. You can go back and start again– you just may have to take it slow and begin by paying for it yourself. Take one class at a time, do really well and in time you will be able to take more classes. I recommend Weber State University– great faculty there. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and rejoice in the freedom from the nonsense of religion and the unique silliness of the Mormon religion. There are a lot of “ex-Mormon” groups out there– check them out. If you do not live in Utah then there will be atheist and freethinker groups and clubs to get you started with new friends and activities. Finally, know that you are loved and valued by the rest of us that welcome a new rational thinker to the world which needs so much work. Good luck!



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  • 52
    Pinball1970 says:

    “There’s also a rumor going around that my wife and I are now satanists who practice which craft.”

    Hi Elcon

    Plenty have posters have said it already, the people and life you miss is not worth missing.

    They are narrow minded cruel delusional bigots – good riddance.

    On music (get yourself on line and pick up a cheap key board- one with “full ranks” sound) Bach is fine but I would give Fleetwood Mac a go. Don’t Stop from Rumours

    Please listen with head phones undisturbed or it does not have the same affect!

    “Dont stop, thinking about tomorrow, Dont stop it’ll soon be here.

    It’ll be here better than before

    Yesterday’s gone, Yesterdays go-o-ne!”

    Cheers PB



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  • 53
    Red Dog says:

    In reply to #53 by Pinball1970:

    On music (get yourself on line and pick up a cheap key board- one with “full ranks” sound) Bach is fine but I would give Fleetwood Mac a go. Don’t Stop from Rumours

    Well, this is one of those topics where there are no rational arguments but for what it’s worth I couldn’t let that pass without saying I would take Bach over Fleetwood Mac any day. If it was Bach vs. Jimi Hendrix that would be more of a toss up.



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  • This is the result of being awake. You are not alone for this is the same struggle we all face. It is hard being surrounded by religious people. When they know one is an atheist , they pull back because you are a threat to their belief system. Not from pity but from fear and deep knowledge you are right. You can only live a good productive life to show by example you don’t need woo to be happy.



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  • Hello elconquistador,

    I first want to congratulate you in taking your first step. It’s the hardest of them all (I know that seems rich compared to what you’re going through now). Like you, I’ve recently ‘come out’ as an atheist and are feeling the effects of it. From my experience people will question every little belief you have, and the moment you say something remotely relating to the supernatural, they’ll call you a hypocrite.

    Out of experience, you need to replace one community with another. It’s a hard, and sometimes scary task, but it is vital to your social well being. It would even stop most of this suicidal thoughts you’re having.

    By the way; I don’t want to seem like I’m telling you what to do when I say this. I’m a Psychology student. I know it may be hard, but you should tell your psychologist about how you are feeling. But be explicit with them. Tell them what is causing it. You are the master of your session. If you feel that the psychologist is being religiously biased, bring that up with them. Like science, It should be left at the door the moment they turn up to work. None the less, I only say this out of concern for you. As a fellow human being.

    I hope that is some consolation, I could go a lot further into this for you, but I don’t feel it’s the right time.
    I’m more than happy with you ever want to strike up a conversation, it would be nice talking to other athiests from across the pond (I’m Australian). Who knows, it might even help 🙂

    Take care brother.



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  • I feel for you… but you must have expected the reaction that you are getting…. it’s tough, move away and find new friends (easier said than done)



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  • 57
    lostinpattaya says:

    “Luckily, I still see a psych but I wouldn’t dare tell them I think about suicide sometimes. I can control it, I won’t do it, but sometimes I hurt so bad.”

    Lying to your doctor is the same as lying to your mechanic or the guy fixing your computer – At best, it’s a waste of everyone’s time and your money. Certainly doesn’t make it any easier for them to help you, and can lead them to prescribe the wrong treatment and make things worse.

    There are many people whose opinion of you should concern you; your psychiatrist should never appear on that list.



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  • 58
    Red Dog says:

    In reply to #58 by lostinpattaya:

    “Luckily, I still see a psych but I wouldn’t dare tell them I think about suicide sometimes. I can control it, I won’t do it, but sometimes I hurt so bad.”

    Lying to your doctor is the same as lying to your mechanic or the guy fixing your computer – At best, it’s a waste of everyone’s time and your…

    I can understand why someone wouldn’t want to admit that. There is a not completely irrational fear that the doctor might have you committed which if you weren’t ready to kill yourself before being committed in the US would definitely make you think you made the wrong decision. But don’t worry, therapists are used to hearing people say they want to off themselves. If they even tried to commit every person that said that they wouldn’t have time for anything else.

    I also agree it’s foolish to lie to your therapist and I never do but it’s easier said than done IMO. Once again, I relate this back to Trivers. One of the main reasons I see a therapist is because I read The Folly of Fools and know we all have a lot of self deception wired into us and because I’ve experienced how my self deception can be counter productive. So I want to minimize self deception and talking to another individual that I’m completely honest with for once (something I never really am with friends or family) helps me to realize when I’m deceiving myself. If I start lying even to my therapist it defeats the purpose.



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  • 59
    David R Allen says:

    This was the most powerful thing ever said to me, and I have dispensed it often to great effect.

    Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.



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  • 60
    Robert Watkin says:

    You are not an ex mormon, you are a human being. There is a lot more outside a cult than there is inside it. This must be difficult for you, good luck. Life is good.



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  • 61
    ryan.jackson.16121471 says:

    Don’t worry. Your anything but alone. Most “religious” people are ACTUALLY atheists, but as Richard Dawkins said in his book, they are afraid to be open. The world lacks courageous people like you who will openly state your beliefs. I also am like you, but I am more fortunate, as my friend (he is smart. Who would have guessed?) is atheist. I also feel isolated though, when not around him, but I just listen to another atheist eg Christopher Hitchens and I am reassured, “I am not alone.”
    I felt EXTREMELY upset when I heard about your self harm. It goes to show just how much some unlucky atheists are bullied by religion. I’m just glad you are still alive. But I’m worried someone else might not be so lucky.



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  • 62
    Joe Wolsing says:

    First of all: welcome to the real world! I guess as an Ex-Mormon the situation for you must feel very threatening, because the integration of the whole life in your former religion is much stronger than in others like “normal” Christianity (how can I call a Delusion normal?) here in Germany. But when you feel lonely think of the fact that most atheists are former believers of any religion. I think the number of people already raised atheistically is still very low. So most of the people had to reorganize their lives after they got rid of their delusion.

    You’ve mentioned that you have found new interrests. Maybe there is a chance for you to catch up with the college degree thing at an evening school (here in Germany it is quite possible and I know a couple of peole who did it …) for your own sake and for increasing your professional chances. If you love physics you’ve already entered the field of the best possible explanation of the universe we live in. So keep up with this subject, it’s really fascinating.

    The loss of friends is always hard. So it is for former drug addicts, who have to change their whole environment to get rid of their addiction (religious delusion seems to me to be very closely related to this!). What Nash33 mentioned – to move to another place far away from where you live now – may be a helpful thing to start with!

    If you say no one is calling you no one is texting you, I would say this is a helpful thing in this context. Believers need to convince others of the truth of what they believe – because it is not provable and for that reason always uncertain. The louder someone screems he knows it’s true the less safe is his or her conviction! Never forget this. You made a very important step for your own benefit by rejecting religion for yourself. And b.th.w. you ARE still young 🙂 let pass another 21 years and you will look back on this episode and smile! I’ve went through a couple of stages in my life too, where there was the question why continuing with it. The answer is quite simple – because it is wonderful in all its ways. You will meet people in real life, in the www. or somewhere else who share your disbelief and your couriosity for what this universe is made of and have a realy good time with them, even if you can’t see it right now!

    In a forum like this (Im working as a moderator for the German website of the Richard Dawkins Foundation) you will always have people listening to your fears and problems and answering to them as good as they can. No one will give you solutions like it is done in religion (these are at least hollow alleged solutions) but they are there to listen and to answer questionsthe way they can.

    You are brave because it was much harder for you to get rid of your personal religion as it was for me (I just had to think, go to the town hall and tell them – hey I don’t want to be a member of this stupid club anymore, pay 45€ for the administrative expenses and that was it!) So the hardest part lies already behind you. Building up a new life without religion can be seen as an exiting and thrilling challenge – there is a whole universe of reality waiting for you. And if you keep doing it maybe your partner (I dont like to call my partner my wife as this sounds to me like she is my private property and I hate this as I have Caribbean ancestors!) is going to see that you’re not drowning without religion and shares your way to see the world one day. So heads up and move forward as you already mentioned step by step. This is how all journeys begin! Oh and DON’T give up playing the piano – this is reall wonderful. I am playing the guitar and I was about to loose it for strange reasons. I am really happy that I didn’t at least!

    Greetings from Germany

    Yours Joe Wolsing



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  • 63
    Nordic11 says:

    Hi elconquistidor,

    I’m so sorry to hear about the shunning and isolation you are experiencing. I know little about the Mormon Church, but obviously what they are doing is the opposite of what Jesus taught and did. It’s painful for me to see so many “Christian” sects stray so far away from the message of Christ. The gospels say he came to save not condemn, but somehow our natures seem to embrace the condemning part.

    You and I are very different. I’m a 52 year old Christian with a family, but we share one important struggle. I’ve battled cancer for 9 years and lived with the pain and fatigue of constant chemotherapy for nearly 6 years, and I know very well the temptation to take my own life. Though I enjoy overwhelming support from both Christian and atheist friends, I feel so lonely sometimes, and I just want the pain to end. I also lose friends often to cancer, one last month and another with only weeks to live. But I want to encourage you that our lives are precious and not worth throwing away because of the hypocrisy and selfishness of others. I will not abandon my family and the purpose I have in my life, and I implore you to do the same. There is a multitude of people out there, both with and without faith, who would embrace your friendship regardless of your beliefs. As some others have done so on this thread, I would also encourage you to seek professional help in dealing with your suicidal feelings. There are plenty of people to talk to and work this out.

    Know that you will be in my prayers.

    God bless,

    Nordic



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  • 64
    yumyumbob2 says:

    I am assuming that you live in Utah, considering that your old religion is mormonism and that people you interact with seem to not understand atheism.
    I am an atheist who goes to a catholic high school in the midwest, but I have not encountered all of the problems that you have. I have two atheist friends at my school, and I have discovered additional people who still consider themselves catholic but have strong doubts about their beliefs. Everybody seems to understand atheism and respect atheism. (Except for the person who accused me, an atheist, of blasphemy for comparing belief in the Easter Bunny to belief in the resurrection of Christ.)
    I do kind of feel trapped in a christian world: my parents signed me up for confirmation and I am part of a very religious boy scout troop which I cannot quit because I am about to become an eagle scout. Many of my friends in my troop are deeply religious. I have found comfort in places like this site, by reading books such as The God Delusion, and on atheist youtube channels like Jaclyn Glenn, DarkMatter2525, and Edward Tarte (who also makes piano videos).
    While you don’t have a piano, you could try one of those piano apps. I don’t play piano, but I play with my piano app sometimes because I can play some pretty cool songs, although it is nothing like a real piano.
    Good luck and congratulations on escaping your religion!



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  • 65
    Sceptic says:

    “I am starting my computer business. I love programing and computers and the physics of the whole thing.”

    You have the best computer between your ears and you will do best if you give it the best quality program available. One of the ways to do this is to clean it from viruses others hacked into it to control you emotionally or in any other way. Sometimes, the worst virus is the implanted “need” to be loved or remembered. I call this virus “external reference,” and society wants to control us by implanting the virus of thinking that we exist and are meaningful to the extent others appreciate our existence and accept us. But this is fallacy. I am sure when you tune in to the music, such viruses are washed away and do not occupy your attention. This means they are affecting you only from time to time, when you allow them to activate themselves. Do not feed them. Ignore them. Any negative energy you will direct on them will make them more alive. Like with a mud – let it dry and to disappear, do not try to wash it down, it is counterproductive.



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  • 67
    chubbs327 says:

    My friend, there is a growing number of atheists across this nation and more are added to that number year. I hesitate to say our number because we, aren’t all following one exact way of thinking and being atheist is the opposite of religion. My entire family is Christian, so I understand somewhat. I have never mentioned my world views with them and when I visit, I respect their desire to pray to their god because it is the polite thing to do. I have been given to understand Mormons are a much stricter fundamentalist ideology than are my family members. Some atheists are rather strongly opinionated about so-called ‘closet atheists’ but I believe that people should do whatever it is in their hearts to do and be polite to others as long as they are polite to you. I also believe it would be most beneficial for you to move away to a more secular area where other free-thinking individuals will befriend you. Humans are naturally sociable creatures and are usually most happy in life when people who share things in common are who they spend time with. You no longer have the religion in common with those people and to them, the religion is more important than you as a person. That is one of the sadder parts of fundamentalist religions. “Believe like me or you are not worthy” mentality.



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  • It’s going to be ok. You are not alone. How about getting a beautiful ukulele? Not a cheap dime-store type, but go to a real music store, and just try them out. You’d probably like a tenor or even a baritone. I’m sure you’ll be picking out melodies really soon and you can take a uke anywhere.

    I know, giving up religion can feel like jumping into a black hole. Just turn it around. It’s soon easy to see that not being in touch with reality is the real black hole.



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  • 69
    trocarcat says:

    As long as you can have rational thought, you are ahead of the game. As you have seen firsthand, many religions pit their chosen dogma ( insert religious entity here) against reality, against exploration, against love of “god”, love of family, love of country,etc… so to question any of their dogma is akin to worshiping satan? which, if they understood anything rationally to begin with, makes no sense. why do they not think that you worship cabbage? or my right foot? no reason except the church elders didnt tell them that. Isn’t it also true that THEY are atheists when it comes to Zeus? Imagine how angry Zeus is that noone loves him anymore. (Poor Zeus)
    I think if you go places with thinking people ( and in certain areas of the U.S. and abroad there aren’t many, but thats what the internet is for) you will find very many open-minded folks who like discussion and won’t condemn you to eternal torture for asking a question or holding a belief, which, is only an indication that your mind still works.
    Unfortunately, those with no evidence, explanation or intelligence use things like “because he said so” or ” its in the book” as answers to pretty much everything they don’t understand. And they have been told that to read a science book, or really try to grasp what is going on in the world is somehow contrary to “god’s will.”
    When I was in 4th grade at a catholic school, I asked how we know the gospels and/or relics were real and not just someones untrue story. To which I was told ” Pray to God to give you his Grace, then you will have faith.” that pretty much explained all I ever needed to know about catholicism, and over the years, any other religion I bothered to research.
    The general consensus seems to be “believe or die”. so I’d rather not believe in anything that comes from that sector of idiocy.
    so congratulations for having the courage to think for yourself. It is not easy when everyone around you thinks whatever religion your area is known for is the one and only correct view. – you know if you were born in India you’d probably be Hindu or if in Iran, Muslim, or if in America 500 years ago, a believer in the Great Spirit, the southeastern .US. you’d be Baptist; any god who only loves those in his neighborhood, and wants to destroy everyone else in the universe is perverse, dangerous and evil. ( and apparently very human) I wonder who was the model for satan when he was invented by the Great Cabbage or the guy trying to come up with a way to keep his scribe job ?? While I can admit that some religions have at least something admirable about them (feeding the poor? healing the sick, not killing for fun) all of that can be learned from a basic house cat, without the torture threats.
    forgive me for my cynicism and sarcasm, but it really angers me that really good people are suffering in all sorts of ways from loneliness ridicule, threats, to imprisonment, torture or death because some people ( in self-granted power) don’t understand symbolic language and deeper concepts other than what a 5 year-old might comprehend. Hey if people are content and feel that without that religion they would go out and rape kids and kill people. let them keep their silly book. but what a scary thought, that only that book (name any religious scripture book) stands between sanity and total mayhem. its a wonder I haven’t eaten my neighbors by now, isn’t it? oooh, what will I do now that I’m done typing…Yahweh only knows.. oh, no he doesnt. = )



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  • 70
    twiikeri says:

    It´s hard to give advice on such a personal matter, but I must agree with Nash33, a change of enviroment could be the best thing. If you live in a community where most people are mormon it´s far more likely to have to face ostracism and judgement from others. Having left a religious group myself, I must say that in the beginning the mean looks, talks behind ones back etc hurt the worst, but as time goes on and one meets new people, forms new friendships, finds new ways to pass time, it gets much easier, and at some point you´ll notice you haven´t even thought about it in a long time and you don´t care anymore. In my case the hurt and insult caused by those people was slowly replaced by understanding for their behavior and feeling somewhat sorry for them. You´ll get thru it.



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  • OUR FATHER’S INVITATION !

    Greetings My Children, PEACE BE UNTO YOU !

    I Am Your Heavenly FATHER and I’m sending You and Everyone on planet earth this INVITATION !
    I AM inviting You to be spiritually grafted into Heaven’s Family and become Sons and Daughters of the Most High God.

    I AM also inviting You to a Banquet “The Marriage Feast of The Lamb” that has been in preparation for the past 2000 years, the Universe was created in 6 days, the Magnificence of this Feast will be beyond what You can Imagine, it’s going to be the first of countless throughout Eternity !
    All You have to do to qualify for this INVITATION, is to receive a FREE GIFT from Me.

    My FREE GIFT to You, is JESUS !

    The dress code to This Banquet is The Robe Of Rightiousness !
    When YOU ALLOW JESUS, He will IMMEDIATELY hand You Your Robe !
    These Robes are handed out Freely even though they are Literally PRICELESS !

    When You say Thank You Father i receive Your “FREE GIFT”, in that instant You will receive My BLESSING which includes Forgiveness of ALL Your sins Past, Present and Future, You will be MADE Rightious through JESUS’ finished work at the cross, You will be Blessed to be a Blessing FOREVER, Eternal Life will be yours, You will receive the Holy Spirit as your Helper to lead and guide You in Victory and the whole Universe will belong to You as a Joint Heir with JESUS, see Rom. 8:17 and Heb. 10:11-14 and Rom. 10:9-11 !

    This BLESSING is the Golden Key that opens All Doors On Earth, In Heaven and throughout the Whole Universe !
    Read Gen. 1:1 to Rev. 22:21 to see All the Extra Benefits that have been given unto the Children of God !

    NO SIN CAN DISQUALIFY ANYONE FROM THIS INVITATION !

    Moses, King David, The Man next to JESUS on the cross and Paul who wrote 2/3 of the new testament were murderers and yet they are here in Heaven, how is this possible ? BY MY GRACE ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE !

    “GOOD PEOPLE” DON’T GO TO HEAVEN ONLY THOSE WHO ALLOW JESUS TO MAKE THEM RIGHTIOUS AGAIN DO !

    NEVER TRUST IN YOUR OWN GOOD WORKS OR LAWKEEPING TO BECOME RIGHTIOUS THIS IS CALLED SELF RIGHTIOUSNESS AND IT’S THE ONLY WAY TO FALL FROM GRACE ! see Gal. 5:4.

    YOUR RIGHTIOUSNESS DEPENDS ENTIRELY ON JESUS’ PERFECT WORK NOT YOUR IMPERFECTIONS, YOU ARE RIGHTIOUS NOT ONLY UNTIL YOUR NEXT SIN, YOU HAVE EVERLASTING RIGHTIOUSNESS THROUGH JESUS’ FINISHED WORK ! see Rom. 5:17 !
    ONCE YOU BECOME RIGHTIOUS YOU CAN NEVER BECOME UNRIGHTIOUS AGAIN, IT’S PERMANENT !
    MY GRACE IS NOT A LICENCE TO SIN ON THE CONTRARY IT GIVES YOU THE POWER TO SIN NO MORE !

    THERE IS ONLY ONE THING IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE THAT CAN EXCLUDE ANYONE FROM THIS INVITATION AND THIS ONE THING IS NOT A SIN OTHERWISE JESUS’ BLOOD COULD HAVE CANCELLED IT, THIS ONE THING IS A CHOICE !

    This ONE thing is the rejection of My FREE GIFT !
    This is the ONLY UNPARDONABLE Choice that Anyone can EVER commit !
    If someone Chooses to reject the ONLY ONE who can Cancel their sins and give them right standing “Rightiousness” with Me, then by their Own Choice they remain unrightious !

    I LOVE YOU AND EVERYONE TOO MUCH TO OVERRIDE YOUR FREE WILL, I WILL HONOR WHATEVER YOU CHOOSE !
    I WILL NEVER EVER send someone to hell but just like the devil and demons I will not Force someone to remain in My Loving and Forgiving Presence and Stay and Enjoy Heaven, IF THEY DON’T WANT TO !

    The Only place in the Whole Universe where My presence is absent is the place called hell, it was created for satan and the fallen angels at their request, NOT FOR HUMAN BEINGS !
    Hell is horrendous beyond comprehension because My Love, Light, Life and Presence is rejected by it’s inhabitants !
    Because the devil and demons rejected My Love and Forgiveness they have been in torment ever since !
    They chose this because of vanity and self rightiousness !

    MY WILL IS FOR EVERYONE TO REMAIN IN MY LOVING PRESENCE FOREVER, PLEASE DON’T EVER CHOOSE TO REJECT MY LOVE FOR YOU !

    ONLY THE BLESSING THAT JESUS DIED TO GIVE YOU CAN ANNIHILATE AND CANCEL THE CURSE AND THE WORKS OF THE DEVIL IN YOUR LIFE ! see John 10:10 and Deut. 28:1-14.

    Because of what Adam did Everyone became Unrightious, BECAUSE OF WHAT JESUS DID EVERYONE BECAME RIGHTIOUS AGAIN, ONLY IF SOMEONE REJECTS THIS FREE GIFT OF RIGHTIOUSNESS CAN THEY REMAIN UNRIGHTIOUS !
    JUST LIKE YOU CAN’T FIX ON YOUR OWN WHAT ADAM BROKE YOU CAN’T BREAK ON YOUR OWN WHAT JESUS FIXED, HALLELUJAH, AMEN !

    I IMPLORE YOU TO PLEASE RECEIVE MY FREE GIFT, COME AND ENJOY ALL THAT HEAVEN AND ETERNITY HAS TO OFFER, THESE THINGS ARE SO GLORIOUS THAT THEY HAVEN’T EVEN ENTERED MAN’S IMAGINATION ! see 1 Cor. 2:9.

    When You receive JESUS as Lord and become Rightious and Born Again You Literally become a New Creation Spiritually, IT’S AS IF YOU NEVER SINNED, BECAUSE JESUS IS ACCEPTED, BELOVED AND WELL PLEASING TO ME, NOW YOU ARE ACCEPTED, BELOVED AND WELL PLEASING TO ME, IN 1 JOHN 4:17 IT SAYS ” AS HE IS NOW SO ARE YOU IN THIS WORLD ! ”

    REMEMBER MY CHILDREN I LOVE YOU UNCONDITIONALLY AND WANT TO EMBRACE YOU MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW !

    Receive My FREE GIFT ! Receive My BLESSING !
    From your HEAVENLY FATHER ELSHADDAI !
    SEE YOU SOON !

    For more Uplifting material and to see God’s Grace in action even under the Old Covenant visit: gracemeansunmeritedfavor.wordpress.com

    Contact details : gracerevolution1@gmail.com

    From Your Friend and or Brother In JESUS ! –

    P.S. ! The Answer to every Question or Worry You may have in Your entire life are the following four words that JESUS spoke :

    ” FEAR NOT BELIEVE ONLY ! Luke 8:50 ”

    Tell Everyone Who Will Listen, If They Want To Be Sure They Are In Right Standing With GOD Their FATHER To Say The Following Short Prayer : ” THANK YOU JESUS FOR YOUR FINISHED WORK, THANK YOU FOR SAVING ME ! – Rom. 10:9-11 ”

    THE TRUTH HAS SET YOU FREE !



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  • 73
    elconquistador says:

    Well, I don’t know how many of you wonderful people who took the time to leave me words of encouragement will see this but I think it important that you all know that my story continues to go on. It has been a rough one, but one that has improved and has promised a better future. I don’t know you guys real well, but I love you guys for being a friend in a time when no friend was in sight. Thank you. Here is the update:

    (TL ; DR —–scroll down.)

    Hey Everyone,

    I know I haven’t posted here in a long while but I just wanted to leave a sincere sentiment of graciousness to all those who had assisted me in posts and private messages. I truly just want to thank everyone who had reached out and gave me a hand of reassurance this past year.

    Tomorrow will be my one year anniversary in leaving Mormonism. One year tomorrow I had attended church for the last time. I left those doors and never came back. I wrote my resignation letter to the church and rid my life of much unwanted superstition and guilt.

    Yes, in fact this past year had been a year of trial and failure. Hurt and loss. Sickness and poor mental health. But after hospitals, therapy programs, loss of job, loss of friendship, near homelessness, loss of identity, and almost losing my life, my family, and my wife…I may stand with confidence and proclaim “I’m still kicking.”

    Now I am no longer under intensive medical care, my marriage is healing, and I am living with my mormon family who are quite amazing…though they are Mormon. A few more thoughts and question would definitely set my father on the clear road of agnosticism but at least he loves to use the sentence “You know what? I don’t even know if the bible is true.” That in itself is something to be happy about. My sister seems like she will soon leave the church. It pains me, though. One of two reasons: 1) I hope she is not leaving out of spite of my parents or because her big brother (me) left and 2) it really kills my mother to see me in disbelief and it hurts her to see another one of her children leave the ideological flock. But as long as she is doing it for the right reasons and to be happy then I am happy. Luckily, she is not as combative as I am or was. And luckily, things aren’t very awkward. There is mutual respect.

    But wow, this year was crazy. I’m so overwhelmed just thinking about it. So here are maybe a couple of thoughts that run around in my mind after this wild year:

    1) To my astonishment and shameful embarrassment because of my past hostility, my family is a lot less Mormon than the shitty ass Mormons I was surrounded by when starting college. And to my joy, my family is a lot more liberal, anti-fundamental and less religious than their counter parts. I keep trying to explain to them this fact but they don’t see it. So I tell them I am going to write a book titled “Why My Mormon Family is Better Than The Mormon Church.”

    2) Man, a shit load of terrible things were said by my family and myself. But this happens. Thankfully, was slightly aforementioned, my family is a whole lot reasonable and it’s easy to consolidate and build healthy relationships when your mormon father loves using science to enhance doubtfulness in the bible. That’s more than most atheist blacksheep can ask for.

    3) Damn…you know..again…I’m just so damn lucky my parents are so much cooler than the asshole mormon populations of california.

    4) Wow, most people from my generation don’t care too much about religion and if they do, they definitely don’t go to church to believe in Jesus. I think that’s awesome. By all means, use Jesus to cure your fear and depression…I totally understand. I just prefer Marvel and DC. hehe.

    5) It’s almost baffling and damn near inspirational coming from a natural perspective of existence than a religious one.

    6) I’m going to make a lot of atheists free thinkers angry when I say: belief isn’t the problem with this world…religion is. But, they are mutually exclusive. One cannot exist without the either. Which is really sad. Theism is not terrible, just the men that seek to leverage that belief into profit.

    7) It’s amazing how much personality I am regaining as I contimue to dismantle my warped mormon perception. I had lost myself so much in religion, even more when I left home for college. It was devastating. I am happy to know I can be ME and nothing else…even as I am still discovering who ME is.

    8) Since experiencing all the nonsense one experiences when leaving a societal structure, I believe the worst has past. Now I can focus on a few simple things: my marriage, my mental health, my physical health, my job, and my education. That is AMAZING. No more guilt and time wasted in something that truly does not matter.

    9) Atheism is depressing for someone raised in a theistic lifestyle. Which is why I think most Christian are half assed believers, for them belief is more appetizing than disbelief. I’m like, when I left the church I left my networking opportunities, my social activities, my identity, and a welfare structure that would cover food if I ever did need it. It’s great security living in belief and there is so much uncertainty in disbelief. I think much can be done to switch those realities. Secular Humanism might be that medium, I think I am going to invest a lot of time and effort in that as I get older. I think many people sit on the fence and it’s a shame. The fence needs to be plowed or a gate secured for those needing to leave a destructive religion.

    10) My favorite: anger. Being an angry atheist is important…covertly. There is no use arguing a philosophical argument that is already won by secular thought and cursing the religious. It’s more important to use anger like Malcom X or Martin Luther King used it. Use tact and serious political activism to do so. Softening the atheist conversation does not mean giving in, it means taking a different perspective to better solution. Hostility will not win the religious and neither will logic and rational. Faith is not logic or rational…it’s this silly little idea that believing in something makes people more hospitable. Atheism and secular opinion is hospitable, but the faithful cant see it. Public opinion must be swayed and it cannot be swayed through being an asshole all the time.

    Anyways, I’m just happy to know that my life is my own and all I have to do is take care of my health, my wife, be kind, and do what make me happy…not what makes the mormon church happy.

    TL ; DR: Basically I have had a shitty year coming out of mormonism. From sickness, to unemployment, to hospitals…I’ve done it all! But gratefully I have had wonderful people on forums like this to help me through it. I’ve learned lots of things and I think I am better off at a happier life than I was a year ago. 2015 is my year. A year for good laughs, new friends, new accomplishments, and common human decency!



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