I was raised as a christian, I went to church even when I didn’t want and I would also defend my religion when it came up, though it rarely did. everything changed when I was 17 years old and I suffered a devastating heartbreak from my first love. I was so miserable and in pain, I prayed for god or jesus to make things better but nothing ever did. I began to question how a loving god could let me feel this way, so terrible, to build me up so highly only to be dropped all the way to the ground. I began to think of not only my suffering and all of the suffering around the world and throughout time. I love meat but I had to question what kind of god would design a world in which you have to kill another living creature only to satiate your hunger for a few hours and even if you go the vegetarian route why is killing and consuming other creatures even an option? for a few months I began to wax and wane on the spectrum of christian, agnostic, and atheist, questioning and doubting until eventually after thinking about it I came down to, either there is no god, or god is punishing me by having me get built up then broken down. I didn’t’ want to believe that god hated me and believing that there is no god seemed like a much more comforting answer. over time I thought more about it, got in a few debates the evidence only got stronger for no god. I am glad I was able to come to reason because if I continued on believing that god hated me, I probably would have commuted suicide.