Nasseff, Converts, #(2011)

Oct 18, 2014

When I was a kid I watched cartoons like the magic school bus, or specially, a French series called “Il etait une fois” Wich translates into “once upon a time”
And this show talked a lot about science. Anthropology, biology,history, etc…
My parents once watched an episode with me, topic was about the neanderthal. And since then they forbid me from watching it again. Because I was raised muslim, and they judged it false, and I would go to hell if I continue watching it.
I would still watch it when they were not home, because it was my favorite cartoon as a kid. ( still is )
Every question I would ask my parents, they will try to praise Islam while answering it , to “strengthen my faith” I guess. Until the day I my parents got internet at home ( I am pretty sure it’s their most regrettable choice they’ve ever done, But definitely the best for me. )
Every question I would normally ask them, I Googled it. Specially facts that I have watched on “il etait une fois” and wanted to know more about. And that is how at 12 years of old, I became agnostic, and stayed agnostic for two years. And these two years were probably the worst period of my life, since I was terrified to chose, I would spend nights in my bed fighting insomnia with “what if ” questions. “What if Islam was false and there no God ?” Then “But what if it was true and God is hearing me right now and very disappointed in me ?.” I started praying a lot more. 5 Times a day, Which is the maximum in islam.
I kept on that state until I met someone, whom is one of my best buddies at the present time, who was an open atheist. (Because I thought I was the only one doubting in the existence of God) I felt a lot more confident, and found peace by declaring my atheism to this friend. And I felt so confident that I didn’t care who would hear about my atheism, until one day ( a few weeks after this ) I started being harrassed by other kids, and some other elders giving me death threats .
So I decided me and my friend to keep our atheism to ourselves and to pretend to be Muslims for safety measures. It worked, and until this day, we are both 20 years old, and both living in hypocrisy.

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