Edward, Converts, #(2321)

Sep 4, 2015

I beat up and gave out all sorts of punishments to little kids in high school, I would tell them to kneel on hot sand on Sunday afternoons under the baking sun for hrs., I would make them miss their lunch, I would wipe them with belts, cane, a ruler, anything I could find close by, I hit them where I would hurt the most, finger tips, their backs, back of their legs, I would slap them, punch them, knock them on their heads, ask them to carry their desks on their heads even with heavy books on them, I would ask them to hang on doors for hrs., make them wash the bathroom, sometimes I would make them wash my own clothes and iron it, I would make them hop around the field on solid ground for hours, I would make them sit on air for hours, I would make them bend their backs in a position as though they were picking something from the ground and make them stay that way for hours, sometimes their heads and eyes turned red and I didn’t care… and so many more.

With all of this, I received an award at the end of my senior year as the best school prefect. I was the only one that received an award that year amongst my classmates.

These punishments were sometimes dished out for not having a bible, missing catholic mass, not having a hymn book, dozing off during mass, not having a bible during CRK, amongst other things.

It was a catholic school, and everyone including the principal were ok with my actions, even some/most parents.

Why couldn’t I hear their scream? Why couldn’t I hear them cry? Why couldn’t I hear their plea for mercy?
The answer is simple…, I was once in their position, in fact a little worse you see, I was called an animal throughout by my seniors, they would make me kiss and lick frogs and toads, or hop around like a grasshopper or make animal sounds for their entertainment, inclusive of all the punishments above some of which were dished out by my teachers, or hostel wardens. As time passed I began keeping to myself… awaiting my turn… i was probably the only one that took it to the extreme, I laughed at their anguish in very sadistic manners.
But it was not just me though, everyone goes through that hell in the name of going through my dear catholic school… and when you become senior, you do the same to the younglings.

Now, what’s worse, my parents immediately sending me to a catholic university? This was the most painful period of my whole life…
The university is located in a forest (For real), no internet, 12 students in a tiny 1/4 of a small kitchen sized room, (had to sleep on the floor) no camera phones allowed, we were subject to very harsh punishments, you were finished if you missed mass or slept during mass, they’ll beat the crap out of you, complaints were strictly forbidden, you couldn’t leave the school gates, even if you did, you’ll get lost in the forest.
4 relentless months of physical and mental torture, i left there (a university) a broken kid, my body thinned out extremely due to extreme starvation, i forgot the taste of most foods and still can’t eat them till today, i would be afraid for my health if i hadn’t already lost interest in this life,
4yrs later, i still jumping from one university course to another, my parents don’t seem to care about my situation, they care mostly about their reputation.

Time passed and one day I had a dream, in my dream was Jesus and god the father being flushed away by a spiraling flood and I suddenly woke up, I had never felt so much relief as I felt that day, but a relief from what? After that brief period of relief I began questioning my religion, “why are there so many branches of the same religion?” was my 1st question, where does all the church offerings go, to the priests? Why are pastors so wealthy and why do people seem to worship them? Why are you spitting on me in my own house and why is my mom giving you money for saying a prayer? God! Come down here right now… why aren’t you answering? … gradually I began slipping into a new state of depression, 3 years of questioning my religion… nothing… no god no Satan father and mother… …., internet, for the first time i searched the meaning of anti-theism… and it was Jaclyn, from there a lot of recommendations which i followed up on, it turns out my eyes had been closed for 20 years… 20 freaking years of my life wasted on something so remarkably silly and inherently wicked…, religion.

Though still in a state of depression, I have lost my fear in god, hell and priests and pastors, in fact I mock religion just for as little fun as I can get in a day.
I would have loved to put more of my experience, but I’m quite lazy now  and I think you already understand.
Thanks Jaclyn G., Richard Dawkins, Darkmatter2525, NonStampCollector and Others.

2 comments on “Edward, Converts, #(2321)

  • 1
    Cairsley says:

    Hello, Edward. Thank you for sharing some of your experiences leading up to your break from the Catholic Church. Relief and a joy in the freedom of mind and heart were the predominant feelings I associate with my own liberation from the same church’s influence over me; I wonder whether you have begun to experience that relief and joy and freedom. Yes, religion is silly and wicked and harmful in the way it screws people up. My main attitude towards religious people now is pity — that they are still under the influence of superstition, that their minds are still not free. You are still young, and the greater part of your life still lies ahead of you, and you are free to understand the world and life and people as you find them. There is so much to take an interest in, so much to appreciate and enjoy, especially in this age when science is yielding us a wealth of information and insight into everything, even the most fundamental questions. You have much to look forward to, Edward. I wish you all the best.

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  • I know I’m a little late in replying to this post, but as I have only just stumbled across it.

    When I started to read the letter, I was horrified, as if I were reading the confessions of a sadist… I thought my goodness, where would this end up? My conclusion is that it is a tale of woe, but with a not too unhappy ending, for one at least, himself being the author. The truth is, Edward, you did play your part in all of this, that being a bully, a torturer, Catholic henchman no-less. However, as you said, your official role as “prefect” gave you the opportunity to carry out these terrible punishments on your fellow classmates. That, and the fact that your actions went not only unpunished, but even rewarded, by parents, school staff and the like, does in my view at least, absolve you from the lions share of the blame (please excuse the puns here).

    One can only imagine the consequences of all of this. A young mind, already prone maybe to bullying (as many kids can be), being even further poisoned by parents and those in authority, who actively condone such actions, effectively creating a monster, a monster with a badge!
    Then what of the youngsters who were made to suffer? They too will carry baggage from all of this. Their torment could be anything from an occasional bad dream, to perpetuation of the same sort of treatment, or worse… who knows.

    Unfortunately, this type of thing isn’t a rare occurrence. The Catholic church is known to be ‘hard-line’ when it comes to dishing out punishments, Nun’s beating, strapping, humiliating children, Priests who sexually abuse boys in their care, using their power, and the power of “God” to keep them from telling “tales”…. And for the many cases that come to light, how many are kept quiet, swept under the carpet, or never even discovered?

    Talk about human rights violations, these are the actions of sadists, perverts, sexual predators, pedophiles…. and all protected (or at least sheltered) by the house of God.

    But back to you Edward. You had no choice being raised Catholic. You had no choice of school, or whether you wanted to accept or not, the religious convictions of your parents. This is the sad truth of it. This is the sad truth of all children who have religion thrust upon them by their parents. I fear that whilst much of mankind still succumbs to the ridiculous notions of praying and believing in invisible deities, we will always be in the clutches of those institutions who lay claim to having a direct line to God himself.

    Edward, I hope you can find some peace with yourself, overcome your depression and move forward. Maybe you could think of giving something back to society, to balance the books a little? Simple charity work, helping those who need help (not religion), and I’m sure it will help you come to terms with yourself, and maybe even forgive yourself somewhat.

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